I've had a pretty crappy week.

I absolutely despise 5pm-6pm. Elizabeth screams from tiredness and hunger, Jimmy runs around the house like a nutcase, annoying T (purposely, because she reacts so strongly) and she yells at him. I'm trying to get the point across that she is his role model, and needs to speak to him calmly and remove him from the situation if he refuses to co-operate,but she just shouts "Jimmy! NO!!!" straight away.Soooooo frustrating. Jimmy has been pushing his boundaries a lot lately, and I have to keep reminding myself that he is a two year old boy and that it is completely normal. DH doesn't get home until at least 6:30, by which time Elizabeth is asleep, Jimmy is still running around like a feral animal, T is sitting on her arse watching TV, DH's dinner is cold, and the kitchen is a mess.

I had a very bad mummy moment tonight. I smacked my boy on the bum, hard. :(
I did it purely out of anger and frustration, without any warning whatsoever. He was so shocked that he burst into tears and ran to his daddy.
I felt so terrible afterwards that I could have cried. DH laughed it off but it really depressed me. I do not want us to be parents who smack our children. It's pretty nonsensical to tell him not to hit his sister, then hit him.

I have mega family shit going on. My mum and sister are like strangers- I can't believe I am even related to them. We have absolutely nothing in common. They don't give a crap about my kids. They don't realise how lucky they are.My dad would have been an awesome granddad and he never got the chance.

Jimmy went to day care twice this week. The first day, I left him for just over an hour. He cried on and off, but was mainly happy and participated in the activities. Yesterday, I intended to leave him for a couple of hours, but after an hour the director called me and told me that he was very upset. So I drove back as fast as I could without breaking the speed limit, ran up to the door, and saw him happily doing a jigsaw puzzle. Apparently he calmed down just after the phone call. I stayed and watched him through the window for 10 minutes, and then, satisfied that he was happy, went to the post office. When I came back, they were playing outside and when I went up to him, he said, "Hi, Mummy! You came back!" I gave him a massive cuddle and told him that I'd always come back, then he ran off to play some more. It took me 15 minutes to convince him to leave.

On the way out, he noticed all the beds lined up on the floor for nap time and told me that he'd like to sleep there one day.

I plan to take him for another short visit next week, and a full day the following week, but we'll see how he goes.

I'm feeling a bit lost lately. Elizabeth is still not what I'd call a happy baby, although she does have lots of good moments. I raise my voice at Jimmy far too often. I'm sick to death of bottles, expressing, nappies, cooking, school runs, mess, and a house that has so much that needs fixing, it would probably be cheaper to knock it down and rebuild it.

I think this is an appropriate moment to list five things that I'm thankful for.

1) I have a beautiful family

2) We are paying off our own house, which is on an awesome block of land in a fantastic area

3) I have amazing parents-in-law who would do anything for me, DH and the kids

4) My husband's salary is substantial enough for me to stay home with my children without having to make too many sacrifices

5) We live in a beautiful part of the world