Title-less

Had a pretty good day today. I managed to get two loads of washing done by 9:30 and had a couple of plays outside with Jimmy before a good friend turned up with her little boy. I haven't seen them for quite a while so it was great to catch up. She spoiled us rotten- yummy chockies and a bunch of lillies for me, a balloon and wooden puzzle for Jimmy, and a beautiful Seed cardi and hair clip for Elizabeth. The boys played together really well and it was lovely to sit out on the deck. I really do love the Gold Coast at this time of the year, and have vowed to spend more time outside, even if our backyard does resemble Darwin after it was hit by Cyclone Tracy.

In other news, I went out on Friday night. On the town. Yes, you read correctly.
The Broadbeach Blues Festival was on over the weekend and my good friend A asked if I wanted to go with her. I almost piked out because I was feeling sorry for myself, and I'm so glad I didn't.
It was nice to tart myself up and break in my brand new leather boots.
We walked around Broadbeach listening to all the bands and found a great one in a tiny little club that was absolutely packed full of people. It was an 8-piece band complete with tumpet, sax and harmonica. We couldn't see the singer over everyone's heads as he was sitting at the keyboard, but he had an awesome blues voice. When he stood up at the end his identity was revealed- Wiley Reed. He's quite a big name in Australian blues and I feel very priveleged to have seen him play. The poor old dear was attached to his dialysis machine for the whole gig. Now that's dedication to one's art!

I had a chat to the bassist and saxophonist. It was really good to talk music instead of babies for a change! The sax player thought I was trying to chat him up until he realised I knew what I was talking about.

Elizabeth has been a very happy little girl today. She has suddenly (in the last 5 or so days) started smiling heaps and making adorable cooing noises. She is so beautiful!

I have decided that after E's facial surgery, I am going to dedicate myself to establishing breastfeeding. I know it will be very hard, but I owe it to myself and my daughter to give it a good Aussie go. I'm thinking I might enlist the help of a private lactation consultant. I've tried feeding E a couple of times but she isn't really interested. I feel guilty that I didn't persevere in those first few weeks, but at the time I was focussing on getting her bulked up and it was just easier to feed her expressed milk.

Gotta go now, Desperate Housewives is on!

No whinging today

I have had some fairly serious stuff going on in my life for the last couple of days, but writing about it will take a year so I'm just going to tell you about my day.

First of all, today is what would have been my dad's 70th birthday. What a huge party he would have had. I have been searching like crazy for a photo taken at his 60th party of him, my sister and I but I can't find it anywhere. He looks so happy and healthy in it. I will have to find it and frame it because that is the way I want to remember him, not as the weak old man cruelly struck down by cancer at 65 years of age. It's quite scary how quickly an illness can age someone.

Today I dropped the kids of at the in-laws' house and headed off to Robina Town Centre with strict instructions to take my time and not hurry back. I got a haircut, posted a package, banked a cheque, had a coffee and two enormous scones with jam and cream, and did the grocery shopping. On the way to Woolworths I decided to look in a shoe store and saw some really nice brown boots that were on sale. I went inside to ask for my size and then spotted another (more expensive) pair and thought I may as well try them on too. I decided to buy the more expensive ones because I've never had leather boots and figure I deserve them. I've never spent that much on shoes ($160 marked down to $96) and I felt kind of guilty, but then I remembered that DH always tells me to buy whatever I want and I never do. So there. I bought leather boots and they're hot and I can't wait to wear them with my skinny jeans.

After I picked up the kids, I came home and put Jimmy to bed, gave E a bottle and popped her in the swing,and had a nice bowl of soup that my MIL made for me. My god, that woman is a life saver. Then I did heaps of housework and even had time to sort out and take photos of baby clothes to sell. It was a good day.

Update

As you could probably tell, I wasn't in a great place when I last posted. I'm pleased to report that things are much better, today anyway.

Having an extremely unsettled baby makes a mum feel like she's on an emotional roller coaster. Some days I just feel so helpless and frustrated that I have terrible thoughts...like giving E back to the hospital and other things that make me feel really ashamed. And then other days are great- she'll gaze up at me and make cute little noises and kick her legs around and just be so cute that my heart feels like it will burst.

I've been very impatient with Jimmy and my stepdaughter and I feel crap about it so I have to make a conscious effort to chill out. It doesn't help that Jimmy is recovering from croup and has been fairly miserable.

We met Elizabeth's surgeon a couple of weeks ago and her operation is scheduled for the 6th of July. I'm not really nervous yet but I know I will be. The surgeon was really nice and didn't speak to us in 'medicalish' which was good. We were happy to find out that E won'tneed the 2nd operation, the palate repair, since her palate cleft really only goes through her gum. She will need a bone graft when she's 8-10 years old.

Today we went to see an orthodontist at the Royal Children's Hospital to find out about having E fitted with a plate, on the surgeon's advice. The lady was really nice and gave us heaps of information and we all decided that having a plate would be very benficial for our daughter. She had to have a mould made and handled it really well, even when the first one didn't work and it had to be done again. The plate is being made this week and she's having it fitted next Tuesday. I hope that the plate doesn't bother her too much.