Home alone

I'm home alone tonight for the first time without my two kids.

We were supposed to be going to the IL's for dinner tonight. Elizabeth screamed non stop from the time we got home from Cohen's party at 2:30 until 5pm. DH came inside from working on the deck and took her and I just lay on the couch feeling completely and utterly drained. At 5:30 he told me I needed to hurry up and get ready and I told him I wasn't going. He told me to stop being stupid and to go wash my face and wake up. This went on for a while and I finally looked him in the eye and said, "I. Am. Not. Going." He said "So you're just going to stay here and listen to E scream the whole time?" and I said "Why would she have to stay here?" So he told me to pack the nappy bag.

I feel like a terrible mother but I just need a break from the screaming, even if only for an hour. The last thing I feel like doing is going over to the IL's and trying not to burst into tears when they ask me why I'm so quiet.

I'm so completely and utterly exhausted. I'm fading away to skin and bone- when I lie down in bed, my hip bones stick out hideously. I wear loose-fitting tops so that people don't go on about how skinny I am. To quote Bilbo Baggins from The Lord of The Rings, I feel like butter that's been spread over too much bread.