I'm on a roll!

Wow- two posts in as many days! Watch out!

I was just thinking that I need to get a move on if I want to make presents for Christmas, so here's my to-sew list to inspire me.

For Jimmy
Shorts- denim with transport print cuffs
Hat

For Elizabeth
Quilt cover
A few pairs of cotton shorts

For Tiffany
One or two skirts

All of this is going to be made using fabric from my stash, as I'm on a self-imposed buying ban until next year.

WHERE has the time gone???

My goodness, but I've been a slack blogger lately! It's probably because I've actually been quite busy.

So what's been happening? Lots of playing outside with the kids and enjoying every moment with them. Jimmy is still my funny, entertaining little boy, with an incredible memory and a real talent for building things and using his imagination. His favourite word at the moment is 'random'. "There's a yellow car- that's so random!", etc etc. Sooooo funny. He plays with Lego every single day, and is always bringing out his latest creation to show me. It's usually a Transformer...that's what he calls them. They are a particular kind piece of engineering that has more than one purpose, like a motorbike-digger-train-cherry picker Transformer. He cracks me up.

Elizabeth is still her determined little self, but is tantrumming a lot less nowadays. She loves playing with her toys and idolises her big brother. Her constant companions are her dummy (Mummy) and Pinky (Giggy). The other week I tried to wean her off Pinky during the day and it failed miserably. Not only that, it seemed to make her want more toys. Now she has Turtle (Gurgle) and Bunny (By-ee). So every time she gets upset we hear, "Mummy! Giggy! Gurgle! By-ee!" It's so cute. Other funny words: Mimmy (Jimmy), By-ah (spider), bee-doo (beetle), Gary (Nutri-Grain...don't ask because I don't know), bee-ook (milk), Bappy (Jasper), gow (towel, down, out), whah (fluff/ fart).

I have been doing a lot of music stuff. I have an orchestra concert on the weekend and I'm really looking forward to it. I went down to Canberra a few weeks ago with a friend and fellow flautist for the Australian Flute Festival. It was a four day festival and we had a ball. I learned heaps and came back motivated to play and teach.

I'm sending my resume to all the private schools on the Coast tomorrow. It would be great if there;s a vacancy somewhere next term! Fingers crossed!

What a night!

I had the most incredible night last night!

The Broadbeach Jazz Festival was on, and I told DH in no uncertain terms that I was going. Even though T had her birthday party sleepover last night. Nothing stands between me and my music- nothing, I tell ya!

Katie Noonan was headlining and although I'd never even heard her, I was looking forward to it as I've heard she is incredible. I watched some snippets of her on Youtube in the afternoon and thought she had a very sweet voice but that it wasn't really my style. I usually like female singers with big, powerful voices. I also thought that, being an outdoor gig, she wouldn't sound as good live, especially with the fierce wind we had last night.

I picked up my friends from the 1980s themed birthday party they were at and we headed in to town. We were about 10 minutes late as I didn't have any coins for the parking fee and had to go get some. As we walked toward the stage, an incredible sound floated on the night air. It sounded as if an angel was singing. I thought it must have been a recording, and when we saw her on stage singing, I literally stopped and stared in amazement. Tam screamed at me to go closer and grabbed my arm and before I knew it, we were in the middle of the crowd. I just stood there with tears in my eyes, not believing what I was hearing. No performer has ever touched me in such a way. I couldn't stop my body from swaying, nor keep the grin from my face. After a few minutes Tam pushed her way through the crowd again, and we were RIGHT on front of the stage. It felt so intimate and special.

I didn't want it to end, but it did. I've never enjoyed a musical performance so much.

My friends had to head back to their friend's party, and I went with them. The hosts welcomed me with open arms, even though I'd never met them. There was awesome 1980s music playing and we had an absolute ball until I left at about 12:45. I love my friends so much.

Raddest weekend for a while...

Our weekends have been depressingly boring of late, so it was nice to have a good one.

It started with a girls' night in on Friday with my three closest friends. We ate vegetarian laksa, drank wine, chatted and laughed our heads off. Unfortunately I had to leave at midnight so couldn't join in the slumber party :(, but it was fantastic to spend 5 hours with my favourite people.

On Saturday I taught my two flute students, then we rushed off to the carpet place before it closed at 11:30 to choose the carpet for our insurance claim. I actually ended up liking the one DH liked, which I originally said I hated. Then because it was such a nice day we decided to go down to the SPit and get some fish and chips from the famous fish-and-chippery down there. Unfortunately the queue was out the door, and the kitchen hadn't even opened yet, so we wondered over to Marina Mirage (a very posh shopping centre frequented by rich 'boaties') and looked for another F&C shop (which we didn't find). Then we went onto the marina and showed the kids all the boats. Some of them were ridiculously large and I had fun checking out all the rich, stilletto-wearing 'boat people' tottering over to their million-dollar yachts.

After that we went back to the F&C shop which by now had started serving and cooking, but the queue was still a Far Queue (geddit?). So we jumped in the car and drove along the esplanade towards Surfers looking for another one. We saw a billion Chinese, Indian and pizza takeaway places, but not one seafood! So DH suggested we just go to our favourite on in Miami and eat it at the park on the beach. So we did. It was awesome.

On the way home we looked at a prize home and bought a couple of tickets, then I made chicken and sweetcorn soup for the first time. It was super yummy and the kids loved it.

This morning we dropped the kids off at their grandparents' place and went to see Harry Potter. It was super! Afterwards we grabbed some sushi then went back to get the kids. When we got home I did some work on a big sewing order then just played with the kids all afternoon.

DH made rissoles, chips and salad for dinner, which was a big hit. Afterwards, Jimmy did a really stinky fart and told me it was because he'd eaten bumholes for dinner. Hahaha!!!

I've just done 15 minutes on the exercise bike and some abdominal and arm exercises, and now I'm off to do some more sewing. Goodnight!

P.S. After reading through this entry, our weekend wasn't exciting at all....but it was a happy one, and that's all I can ask for!

Feeling better

It's amazing how the mind can grab hold of a single thought, and just go over and over that thought until the thought is all you see...all you hear...all you think.

It's incredible how quickly I forgot (or decided to ignore) all the coping strategies that my psychologist taught me in the 12 sessions I had with her.

I have no idea how I went from a perfectly happy wife to researching rental prices and single parenting payments in one day.

Anyway, things are much better now. DH convinced me not to leave him. I'm back to my regular happy self.

So to the two dear friends who read my last post and contacted me because they were worried...thankyou, from the bottom of my heart.

I must admit that it is a very desolate feeling to see the blog visit counter go up, but no further messages or comments....

I started this blog as a way to get rid of all the words swimming around in my head, but I don't think I will write about bad stuff any more. This is the second big bad post and the second time only 1 or 2 people have checked in with me. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, and maybe only those 2 people read the posts...hence the lack of responses from others.

Feeling miserable, trapped and confused

I'm so sick of feeling like this.

I am feeling like I would do almost anything to get away from my stepdaughter. I want to leave but at the same time it makes me feel sick thinking about it.

How could I leave my husband? How could I take my children away from their daddy, and not burst into tears when Jimmy cries for him and asks when he's coming home?

How can I live on my own? How can I be away from my children on weekends? How can I survive in an empty, lonely house every weekend?

But how can I go on like this? How can I keep living in misery, being mother to a child that I can't stand, whose own parents find it very difficult to like her? A child who, at 12 years of age, whinges constantly, is lazy, selfish, stubborn, and nasty? Who gets worse and worse every year, with the worst years yet to come, and whom 18 pyschology sessions seem to have been completely wasted on?

How can I keep doing this?

Time 'out'

I love Thursdays! Thursday is my 'time out' day. Jimmy goes to day care, and Elizabeth goes to her grandparents for the morning, or sometimes until I pick the big kids up in the afternoon.

I don't know why I find it so exciting to come home to an empty house and plan the day's housework. Where will I start? Should I hang out the washing first, or grab my clutter bucket and put everything back in its place? What a sad, sad soul I've become!

So this is what I did today:

- Washed and hung out a load of nappies and a load of clothes/ new fabric
- Folded and put away yesterday's clean nappies
- Made 3 litres of vegetable stock (first time! Will never buy stock again)
- Picked everything up off the floor in every room; put them back in their proper homes
- Dusted
- Cleaned both bathrooms with good ole bicarb and vinegar
- Vacuumed and mopped the whole house
- Emtied all the bins
- Made all the beds; put on winter blankets because it's been damn cold lately
- Turned a really cute but really tight dress that I never wear into a mega cute, 1950s style halter top (to wear out tomorrow night!)

A pretty productive day, I'm sure you'll agree! And the best part was picking up my darlings at the end of the day and seeing how happy they were to see me.