My family and other animals

I'm on a roll!

2011-10-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

Wow- two posts in as many days! Watch out!

I was just thinking that I need to get a move on if I want to make presents for Christmas, so here's my to-sew list to inspire me.

For Jimmy
Shorts- denim with transport print cuffs
Hat

For Elizabeth
Quilt cover
A few pairs of cotton shorts

For Tiffany
One or two skirts

All of this is going to be made using fabric from my stash, as I'm on a self-imposed buying ban until next year.

WHERE has the time gone???

2011-10-20T04:31:00.001-07:00

My goodness, but I've been a slack blogger lately! It's probably because I've actually been quite busy.

So what's been happening? Lots of playing outside with the kids and enjoying every moment with them. Jimmy is still my funny, entertaining little boy, with an incredible memory and a real talent for building things and using his imagination. His favourite word at the moment is 'random'. "There's a yellow car- that's so random!", etc etc. Sooooo funny. He plays with Lego every single day, and is always bringing out his latest creation to show me. It's usually a Transformer...that's what he calls them. They are a particular kind piece of engineering that has more than one purpose, like a motorbike-digger-train-cherry picker Transformer. He cracks me up.

Elizabeth is still her determined little self, but is tantrumming a lot less nowadays. She loves playing with her toys and idolises her big brother. Her constant companions are her dummy (Mummy) and Pinky (Giggy). The other week I tried to wean her off Pinky during the day and it failed miserably. Not only that, it seemed to make her want more toys. Now she has Turtle (Gurgle) and Bunny (By-ee). So every time she gets upset we hear, "Mummy! Giggy! Gurgle! By-ee!" It's so cute. Other funny words: Mimmy (Jimmy), By-ah (spider), bee-doo (beetle), Gary (Nutri-Grain...don't ask because I don't know), bee-ook (milk), Bappy (Jasper), gow (towel, down, out), whah (fluff/ fart).

I have been doing a lot of music stuff. I have an orchestra concert on the weekend and I'm really looking forward to it. I went down to Canberra a few weeks ago with a friend and fellow flautist for the Australian Flute Festival. It was a four day festival and we had a ball. I learned heaps and came back motivated to play and teach.

I'm sending my resume to all the private schools on the Coast tomorrow. It would be great if there;s a vacancy somewhere next term! Fingers crossed!

What a night!

2011-08-21T04:18:00.000-07:00

I had the most incredible night last night!

The Broadbeach Jazz Festival was on, and I told DH in no uncertain terms that I was going. Even though T had her birthday party sleepover last night. Nothing stands between me and my music- nothing, I tell ya!

Katie Noonan was headlining and although I'd never even heard her, I was looking forward to it as I've heard she is incredible. I watched some snippets of her on Youtube in the afternoon and thought she had a very sweet voice but that it wasn't really my style. I usually like female singers with big, powerful voices. I also thought that, being an outdoor gig, she wouldn't sound as good live, especially with the fierce wind we had last night.

I picked up my friends from the 1980s themed birthday party they were at and we headed in to town. We were about 10 minutes late as I didn't have any coins for the parking fee and had to go get some. As we walked toward the stage, an incredible sound floated on the night air. It sounded as if an angel was singing. I thought it must have been a recording, and when we saw her on stage singing, I literally stopped and stared in amazement. Tam screamed at me to go closer and grabbed my arm and before I knew it, we were in the middle of the crowd. I just stood there with tears in my eyes, not believing what I was hearing. No performer has ever touched me in such a way. I couldn't stop my body from swaying, nor keep the grin from my face. After a few minutes Tam pushed her way through the crowd again, and we were RIGHT on front of the stage. It felt so intimate and special.

I didn't want it to end, but it did. I've never enjoyed a musical performance so much.

My friends had to head back to their friend's party, and I went with them. The hosts welcomed me with open arms, even though I'd never met them. There was awesome 1980s music playing and we had an absolute ball until I left at about 12:45. I love my friends so much.

Raddest weekend for a while...

2011-08-14T03:06:00.000-07:00

Our weekends have been depressingly boring of late, so it was nice to have a good one.

It started with a girls' night in on Friday with my three closest friends. We ate vegetarian laksa, drank wine, chatted and laughed our heads off. Unfortunately I had to leave at midnight so couldn't join in the slumber party :(, but it was fantastic to spend 5 hours with my favourite people.

On Saturday I taught my two flute students, then we rushed off to the carpet place before it closed at 11:30 to choose the carpet for our insurance claim. I actually ended up liking the one DH liked, which I originally said I hated. Then because it was such a nice day we decided to go down to the SPit and get some fish and chips from the famous fish-and-chippery down there. Unfortunately the queue was out the door, and the kitchen hadn't even opened yet, so we wondered over to Marina Mirage (a very posh shopping centre frequented by rich 'boaties') and looked for another F&C shop (which we didn't find). Then we went onto the marina and showed the kids all the boats. Some of them were ridiculously large and I had fun checking out all the rich, stilletto-wearing 'boat people' tottering over to their million-dollar yachts.

After that we went back to the F&C shop which by now had started serving and cooking, but the queue was still a Far Queue (geddit?). So we jumped in the car and drove along the esplanade towards Surfers looking for another one. We saw a billion Chinese, Indian and pizza takeaway places, but not one seafood! So DH suggested we just go to our favourite on in Miami and eat it at the park on the beach. So we did. It was awesome.

On the way home we looked at a prize home and bought a couple of tickets, then I made chicken and sweetcorn soup for the first time. It was super yummy and the kids loved it.

This morning we dropped the kids off at their grandparents' place and went to see Harry Potter. It was super! Afterwards we grabbed some sushi then went back to get the kids. When we got home I did some work on a big sewing order then just played with the kids all afternoon.

DH made rissoles, chips and salad for dinner, which was a big hit. Afterwards, Jimmy did a really stinky fart and told me it was because he'd eaten bumholes for dinner. Hahaha!!!

I've just done 15 minutes on the exercise bike and some abdominal and arm exercises, and now I'm off to do some more sewing. Goodnight!

P.S. After reading through this entry, our weekend wasn't exciting at all....but it was a happy one, and that's all I can ask for!

Feeling better

2011-08-07T04:04:00.001-07:00

It's amazing how the mind can grab hold of a single thought, and just go over and over that thought until the thought is all you see...all you hear...all you think.

It's incredible how quickly I forgot (or decided to ignore) all the coping strategies that my psychologist taught me in the 12 sessions I had with her.

I have no idea how I went from a perfectly happy wife to researching rental prices and single parenting payments in one day.

Anyway, things are much better now. DH convinced me not to leave him. I'm back to my regular happy self.

So to the two dear friends who read my last post and contacted me because they were worried...thankyou, from the bottom of my heart.

I must admit that it is a very desolate feeling to see the blog visit counter go up, but no further messages or comments....

I started this blog as a way to get rid of all the words swimming around in my head, but I don't think I will write about bad stuff any more. This is the second big bad post and the second time only 1 or 2 people have checked in with me. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, and maybe only those 2 people read the posts...hence the lack of responses from others.

Feeling miserable, trapped and confused

2011-07-31T15:41:00.000-07:00

I'm so sick of feeling like this.

I am feeling like I would do almost anything to get away from my stepdaughter. I want to leave but at the same time it makes me feel sick thinking about it.

How could I leave my husband? How could I take my children away from their daddy, and not burst into tears when Jimmy cries for him and asks when he's coming home?

How can I live on my own? How can I be away from my children on weekends? How can I survive in an empty, lonely house every weekend?

But how can I go on like this? How can I keep living in misery, being mother to a child that I can't stand, whose own parents find it very difficult to like her? A child who, at 12 years of age, whinges constantly, is lazy, selfish, stubborn, and nasty? Who gets worse and worse every year, with the worst years yet to come, and whom 18 pyschology sessions seem to have been completely wasted on?

How can I keep doing this?

Time 'out'

2011-07-14T03:42:00.000-07:00

I love Thursdays! Thursday is my 'time out' day. Jimmy goes to day care, and Elizabeth goes to her grandparents for the morning, or sometimes until I pick the big kids up in the afternoon.

I don't know why I find it so exciting to come home to an empty house and plan the day's housework. Where will I start? Should I hang out the washing first, or grab my clutter bucket and put everything back in its place? What a sad, sad soul I've become!

So this is what I did today:

- Washed and hung out a load of nappies and a load of clothes/ new fabric
- Folded and put away yesterday's clean nappies
- Made 3 litres of vegetable stock (first time! Will never buy stock again)
- Picked everything up off the floor in every room; put them back in their proper homes
- Dusted
- Cleaned both bathrooms with good ole bicarb and vinegar
- Vacuumed and mopped the whole house
- Emtied all the bins
- Made all the beds; put on winter blankets because it's been damn cold lately
- Turned a really cute but really tight dress that I never wear into a mega cute, 1950s style halter top (to wear out tomorrow night!)

A pretty productive day, I'm sure you'll agree! And the best part was picking up my darlings at the end of the day and seeing how happy they were to see me.

2011-06-30T04:23:00.000-07:00

Time has been getting on, as it tends to. I know that I'm stuffed at the end of each day, but I can't remember all the stuff that's been happening.

My band had its first gig last Wednesday. It was super fun. We played at a music camp that has been going on for yonks (I went in grades 6 and 7) which is open to all Gold Coast state school students who play an instrument. There were about 200 of them there, plus about 10-15 teachers (3 of whom are in the band). The kids went berserk for us, even though we didn't play our best.
We've only been rehearsing every 4 weeks but we've stepped it up to fortnightly now.

That's me in the middle :)

Things with my stepdaughter have been ridiculously bad this week. I gave my husband an ultimatum when I was hormonal and very upset. Thankfully I felt better at the end of the day. Then T had a massive meltdown last night which resulted in DH taking her to her Gran's and trying to run off when they got there. She spent the night there and has cooled down. I'm seriously doubting my ability to cope much longer- 12 psychologist sessions for me and 18 for her haven't seemed to have made any difference.

Today I did a spot of op shopping. I was looking for jeans as the bargain pair I found the other day (Huntingbird [RRP $99] new with tags for $12!) are slightly too big for my non-existent ass.
I didn't find any jeans today, but I did find an awesome denim blazer, which I've been searching out for ages, for $9, and a super cute hand knit with adorable buttons. I just love the colour.

I've been keeping up with my sewing resolution of one project a week. Next week is MIL's birthday, and I'm making the Dapper Day Bag from the Sew Liberated book. I've been reading Meg's blog for almost three years, and I recently purchased both of her books. They are awesome. I'd better get a move on, though- all I've done is cut everything out and spend about an hour trying to make the cording before realising it was sheer folly with the narrow binding I had, so I have to start again.

I'm a porker!

2011-06-18T04:41:00.001-07:00

Oh yeah, that's right! I've put on 3.5 kilograms! Woot!
I'm actually only 50.9, but I had to take a photo of this weight because I've never been over 50kg except during pregnancy. I think I must have needed to do a big poo when I took this photo. Haha!

The thing is, I have absolutely no idea how I managed to gain weight. I haven't been eating any more, exercising any more or less, or eating different foods. In any case, I'm just glad to have some junk in my trunk!

The bad part is that most of the weight has gone to my stomach. It looks the same as it did when I was early in my 2nd trimester! A fair bit has gone to my butt which is good. It feels firmer and not like two deflated balloons.

I have to buy some new jeans. My skinny jeans are ridiculously tight- I wore them last week and couldn't bend over. My favourite jeans, which have a fair bit of stretch in them, are a real struggle to zip up. I decided to buy some $10 Kmart jeans last week and the fit is sooooo bad- loose around the waist, crotch too low, thighs too tight. But I just have to deal with it for now until I can scour some op shops for a more suitable pair.

I never was hideously skinny, and I'm not/ never have been anorexic or bulimic, for those of you who don't know me well. I've always liked my body, but I just wanted to put on a few kilos.

Now I need to do some exercise to try and build up some muscle tone.

What to do, what to do?

2011-06-13T03:41:00.000-07:00

I had always planned to go back to work one or two days a week in 2012. Lately, however, I've been itching to get back into some kind of paid work.

Don't get me wrong- I love being at home with the kids, but Elizabeth is such hard work mentally and I really feel that one day a week at work would do me a world of good. Sending her to day care is completely out of the question right now because she hates strangers, so I'm very lucky to have my mother in law around, who is more than happy to look after her (and Jimmy too, if another day of day care isn't an option).

This year I made myself a promise that I was going to rediscover the musician in me (ie. actually practise regularly, not just before a gig). I have (mostly) stuck to my resolution and the more I play, the more I want to play, and teach others to play and love music as I do.

I've been toying with the idea of registering as a teacher with the Queensland Government. As I have no education qualifications, I would only be able to teach on a temporary basis- covering for teachers who are on sick/ maternity/ long service leave. The work would possibly be sporadic, therefore with an unpredictable level of income, but I think it would be interesting to teach in lots of different schools. The one downfall is that any contracts I get will almost certainly be 3-5 days a week, which I don't want to do.

My other option is to try to get into a private school, which is the kind of work I've always done. The pay is very good (I think it's $65/hr now) and teaching one-on-one can be very rewarding. However, I'm kind of over spoilt private school kids and their attitudes, even if the snooty ones only make up a small percentage of the students I've taught.

Since I've started up my band, Funk Factory, I've been chatting to a lot of teachers in the public system (7 of the band members are public teachers) and it seems that they are so much more enthusiastic about teaching compared to the private school teachers I know. One of the band members, who was my high school band teacher, says he loves his job more and more every year- this is after more than 20 years on the job!

I think I need to chat to a few more people from both sides of the fence.

Frugal fashion

2011-06-09T04:05:00.001-07:00

It's funny how much my attitude towards shopping has changed in the past few years. I used to think nothing of going out and buying whatever I wanted, but now I stop and think, "Can I make it? If not, can I borrow it, or buy it second hand?"

When buying clothes for myself, the only new purchases I make are underwear and basics like leggings, t shirts and jeans. Although I do love to make clothes for myself, it's hard to find styles that suit me. This tunic is really cool but the shape doesn't really do much for my figure- doesn't stop me wearing it at least once a week, though!

I really love this one. It's a knit one so has some shape in it. I've had this fabric sitting in my stash since I first started sewing 3 years ago, and never knew what to make with it. It was very difficult to work with and I need to do a lot more stretch sewing to improve my skills.

Every time I'm in the car, I've got one eye on the road and the other one scouring the sidewalk for op shops. Here is a skirt I bought at the end of summer from Thrift Chic Shop for $8. I love the colours and the print.

Oops- I don't know why this is sideways. This is a Portmans skirt, again from Thrift Chic, and $8. It is simply stunning. I can see myself wearing it with my lacy black top when I play at weddings.

Funky green retro shoes. I was stoked when I looked at these and they were my size! How many times do you spot something rad in an oppy then have your hopes crushed when you look at the size?
These were $5 from St Vinnies.

Okay, I know it's not clothing, but it's vintage Tupperware and it was 50 cents! Groovy, baby! This is from the Trinity Anglican Mission oppy in Robina. I went there today.

From the Trinity oppy. This one was $2.50. It looks awesome on!

From the Trinity one again. The photo simply does not do this dress any justice! It is stunning. When you put it on, it puffs out from under the high waistband and sits beautifully, like a 1950s frock. It also has a bubble skirt. This one was $10.

Just ploddin' along

2011-06-05T04:27:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been neglecting you, dear blog. I don't really have any excuse, other than I don't have much to say, and if I do, I find it hard to put into words.

The weeks just fly by in a blur of playdates, errands, cooking, playing outside in the winter sun, school runs, laundry, sleeping, waking (more and more often at night), laughter, tears, arguments, and loving moments. I just cannot believe how quickly the passage of time sneaks up on you. It seems like yesterday that my GP told me there was a problem with my unborn baby, and now she's a toddler!

Our girl started taking a few steps about a month ago, and is walking a lot now, although crawling is still her favoured method of transport. She eats anything and everything in sight, loves baths with her brother, whacking Jasper the dog, playing at the park or on our swing set, her dummy and Pinky, pulling all the Tupperware out of the drawer, and jumping on her brother's bed.

She is still a very difficult child compared to Jimmy. She has tantrums at the drop of a hat- I'm talking smashing her head against the wall, rolling around on the floor, screaming and throwing things. I find them quite comical.
She has started waking up a lot more at night, usually needing a bottle and nappy change at some stage, which is a bit of a pain considering she slept through the night until a couple of months ago. Oh well, if that's what she needs, that's what she gets. I cannot and will not use controlled crying as a method of teaching my children to sleep.
She still isn't talking much. She says mama, dada (very rarely), MimMim (Jimmy), Wappa (Jasper), ball, baby, mum-mum (dummy), and bah (bath).

Jimmy is starting to assert himself a lot more. Every so often, requests are met with a firm 'No!'. His appetite has been terrible for the past few days, even though he isn't sick. I guess he's just going through a phase. We don't hassle our kids to eat- they can choose to eat what they are given, or not. We don't offer any alternative food if the meal is refused.
Apart from that, he is still the most awesomely rad little dude on the face of the planet. He is SO funny. He is so well spoken, sweet and affectionate. All of the teachers at Montessori gush about how lovely he is. They are currently testing out moving him up to the next room but are taking it very slowly as last time ended up being a disaster.

His favourites at the moment are his trains, which he is asking to bring out every day lately; his Duplo (he and Lizzie love playing it together); playing outside with his dump truck and on the swing set; stories; ABC 2; play dough; and going to the park.
He does not seem the slightest bit interested in learning to recognise numbers or letters, but I'm not worried.

DH and I have been great. I'm so glad we have a strong relationship, otherwise I think I would have left because things with T have been really crap lately. However, after DH and I had a joint session with the psychologist last week, I have a better understanding of why T is acting the way she is, as well as a bit more compassion for her.

My band, Funk Factory, has its first performance in two weeks! How scary!!! It's just a 45 minute gig at the annual Gold Coast state schools' music camp, to entertain the kids and teachers. A few of the guys in the band teach at the camp every year, and one of them suggested we play there to practise performing before we do the scary public gigs. I can't wait! I must confess that I'm a little anxious....I am, after all, just a classical flute player with very little jazz experience, and absolutely no experience running a band! Oh well, I guess you've got to learn somehow!

Happy Mothers Day!

2011-05-08T03:11:00.000-07:00

Today was an awesome Mothers Day!

It started with me sleeping in until 8:30am, which is about 3 hours later than I usually wake. That was quite a luxury. DH came in with the kids and they gave me cards they had made.

T and DH then made me breakfast in bed- coffee, apple juice, muesli and a plate of mandarin segments and crimson grapes. Yum!

After brekky I spent an hour or so tidying the house- it was an utter pigsty after I was away for 9 hours yesterday. Then I decided to make scones for afternoon tea and invited MIL over. My mum didn't get an invite or a 'Happy Mothers Day' from me.

Took the kids shopping to get supplies then when we got back DH made big brekky for lunch. It's a Sunday tradition for us. Then I had to get my butt into gear and make the scones whilst the kids made a card for their Gran. It was my first time making scones. They were perhaps cooked for a couple of minutes too long, but they were still good.

Jimmy entertained us all with his robot dance. That kid is the most hilarious little man ever.

DH made a mega-tasty Chinese dish for dinner- beef with mandarin. It was gorgeous. He also made baked custard for dessert.

Even though no money was spent on gifts or cards, I was thoroughly spoiled. My beautiful man made me delicious food, my stepdaughter was being extra helpful, and my kids were happy. What more could I ask for?

Recipe: Raspberry brownies

2011-04-14T04:16:00.000-07:00

A friend just asked me for the recipe for my famous brownies, so I thought I'd share it here!

It's actually from my Reader's Digest Eat Well, Live Well recipe book, but I've fiddled with it over the years to get a truly yummy slice!

They are super easy and you only need to use one bowl and a spoon.

1/4 cup cocoa powder
1/3 cup warm water
1/4 cup vege/ canola oil
1/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla essence
1/2 tsp baking powder
3/4 cup sifted plain flour
1/2 cup choc chips (I use dark and sometimes white as well)
3/4 cup raspberries

**Note- this is only enough to fill a square tin. I make mine in a large rectangular tray, and double all the measurements except the oil, sugar and brown sugar, which I just keep the same**

Preheat oven to 180 deg.
Grease tin/tray, or put a sheet of baking paper on it.
Stir water and cocoa in a bowl and let stand for 5 mins.
Stir in Oil, sugars, eggs, and vanilla.
Add baking powder and flour and stir for 2 mins.
Fold in choc chips and raspberries.
Pour into tin and spread evenly with a spatula.
Bake for 20 mins or until a skewer inserted into the middle comes out clean.
Cool for minimum of 10 minutes, cut into squares or rectangles, and scoff!

Go on, make them! I dare ya!

Ramblings

2011-04-10T04:03:00.000-07:00

There has been a change in the weather over the last week or so- the cool breeze feels just a little bit cooler each day. The next 6 or 7 months are my favourite part of the year. The Gold Coast is stunning in Autumn, Winter and Spring. I love being able to play outside with the kids without wiping sweat from my upper lip, and walking from the carpark to the shop without getting sunburnt. I love cold-weather clothes. Not that it actually ever reaches a temperature that Southerners would call cold. I love blue skies on a cool day, brown leaves underneath trees with naked branches, porridge for breakfast every day, hot cups of coffee, and warm cuddles.

The kids are loving their 'new' swing set (actually T's old one, which I've been nagging DH to set up for 5 years). Elizabeth and Jimmy sit on the double swing together and have a jolly old time. Jimmy keeps asking me if I can buy him 'a green slide or a yellow slide'.

The littlies are now in the same bedroom together. After the absolute BLISS of our night away, little miss woke up for her dummy 6 times and I decided the next day to move her our of our room. Yep, completely selfish, but she is with her brother and not alone. I fully expected it to be a huge failure, but she has settled in really well. There have been a couple of really crappy nights where I've had to go in 2 or 3 times for each of them, but mostly it's only once or twice. We have been putting them to bed at the same time (except for last night when she was really tired and he was awake until 8:30), reading them a story together on Jimmy's bed. It's a bit crowded in there but nice and cosy and they love it.

Psychologist appointments are going well. This week I am working on not treating T like persona non grata all the time. On Friday I'd promised we'd go to Dreamworld, but instead of taking the littlies like everyone assumed I would, I got Gran to come look after them and just the two of us went. We had a ball- went on heaps of rides. I made her go on the Cyclone (big roller coaster) even though she was saying she was scared and as soon as the ride finished she made me go on again- then asked for a third time but my almost 33 year old guts couldn't handle it!

DH and I have been very close lately. The night away did us more good than I could have imagined. We have been really affectionate with eachother. I've been enjoying giving him a big kiss and cuddle when he gets home from work, instead of 'letting' him plant a peck on my cheek.

Our house looks awesome with its freshly painted roof and awesome new patio roofs.

I've got a few sewing projects to get done. I made E a cute pair of corduroy pants with cuffs, just liek the ones I made Jimmy for his birthday. I'm now making a little vest in the same corduroy but it's proving to be an absolute ARSEHOLE of a garment. I need to make some items for friends' daughters, and a tunic top for me. Time to update my Works in Progress thingo.

Our 4th anniversary

2011-04-01T04:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was our 4th wedding anniversary.

DH had told me he was taking me away for the night, but he didn't tell me where- just that it was secluded and far away from everything. I thought how nice it would be to go to The Mouses House .
Lo and behold, we got into the car and he handed me a leaflet for the very same place and said, "That's where we're going!" Woohoo!

We arrived around 2:30pm. It was very cold in Springbrook and silly me hadn't brought any warm clothes. It was drizzling lightly so it was hard navigating the slippery boardwalk to our chalet. All of the chalets are named after characters from Snow White, and ours was Bashful.

It was stunningly beautiful inside- cosy, inviting, and romantic.

Here is a quick rundown on what we did:
-Spa bath
-Shag
-Watched Toy Story 3
- Dinner
-Spa bath
-Shag
-Sleep (accidentally, at about 8pm)
-Woke up at 10:30pm, went back to sleep
-Woke up at 6
-Watched Harry Brown
-Breakfast
-Shag

:)

Yep, it was just what we needed- both for ourselves and as a couple. The past few months have been so stressful for us and this one night away has done so much for us. Firstly, we got to sleep through the night without being woken 5 times. There were no chores to worry about- no gardening, no washing. No phones ringing. I felt truly relaxed for the first time in a long time and discovered that I actually do have a libido, after all.

So after we checked out, we decided to have a little drive around Springbrook as DH has never been there. It is stunningly beautiful. We drove to Best of All Lookout and did the 350m walk to the lookout in the pouring rain. We saw some amazing Antarctic Beeches on the way, but there was no view at the lookout- just dense cloud. It was quite spooky and amazing to look at but we only got to see it for 2 seconds because it was just too wet to stay there.

When we got back to the car, the remote wouldn't work, so we couldn't disarm the alarm to start the car. We spent 20 minutes faffing around with a screwdriver to get the battery out, only to discover there was nothing wrong with the battery- the insides of the remote had gotten wet. Then I looked down at my legs and saw all these little black wormy things on them, and a big fat one attached to my ankle. I got out of the car and shouted, "I'm fucking covered in leeches!!!" (Creepy crawlies don't really bother me, with the exception of cockroaches and leeches). It took me ages to get the buggers all off- they are like velcro.
By that time, the remote had dried out a bit and started working properly. We were both soaking and I was freezing. I snuggled up with Elizabeth and Jimmy's blankets that we keep in the car, then jumped straight in the shower when we got home, after giving my babies lots of hugs and kisses.

I've already told DH that from now on, we are going back to the Mouses House instead of giving eachother presents. He didn't argue ;)

One year, one month and two weeks.

2011-03-30T04:35:00.000-07:00

That's how long I expressed for.

From the moment I found out that Elizabeth had a cleft lip and probably wouldn't be able to breastfeed, I vowed to provide her with expressed breast milk for at least one year. I'm very proud to have achieved my goal.

How easy it would have been for me to buy a tin of formula every week instead...but I simply could not do that. My baby deserves the best, not an inferior imitation.

The first six months were the hardest. I literally was a slave to my breast pump- expressing every 3 hours meant that I had to plan all my daily activities around pumping sessions. I had an abundance of milk and our freezer was struggling to cope. When Elizabeth was a few months old I found a mum and baby in need of donor milk and was only too happy to help out.

As the months wore on, Elizabeth's feeding requirements changed, as they do. She started sleeping through the night after her surgery at 4 and a half months, so the overnight pumping stopped. We introduced her to finger foods around 6 months and she was eating a fair bit by around 8 months, so she was taking less milk at each feed. Before I knew it, I was only expressing 3 times a day.

About a month before her birthday, I started to think about weaning. Although she still loved her booby milk, I wanted my life back. So I dropped down to two sessions a day. After two or three weeks, my supply started dropping right off and I went to one session a day. Gradually I went from a 200ml yield at each session to 100ml. Then I started noticing that my breasts weren't feeling full at the end of each day, so I skipped a day. Then another. Elizabeth refuses to have breast milk now, pushing the bottle away if we try to give it to her.
Now it's been 3 days since my last pumping session and where I once had firm, full breasts I now have two pathetically small, loose, soft dumplings. But I know that when I look at them, I'll be proud of the fact that they fed two children for thirteen months each.

Hey there!

2011-03-29T03:43:00.000-07:00

I just noticed that since I wrote my last post, my page has had over 90 visits.

I know of maybe 5 people who regularly read my blog, so I find it really intriguing that there have been so many visits. I started this blog as a way of keeping a record of my feelings and documenting my parenting journey. It's a very boring blog.

So, if you're reading this post, I'd love it if you'd humour me and leave a comment telling me who you are.

Happy birthday to Jimmy

2011-03-27T03:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was our little man's third birthday.

It just seems like last week that I was staring at him in the hospital crib, tears running down my face as I thought how quickly he would grow up and not be a baby any more.

He has grown to be such a funny, entertaining, intelligent, caring little boy. I feel very proud about the way I've raised him. He is still my baby in many ways, and never likes being away from his mummy for too long. He loves cuddles and climbing up into my lap for a kiss.

Although he's a great talker, he gets some things wrong which never fail to crack us up.
- "Look I what made/ look I what did"
- "Did you didn't do that?"
- " What are we're gonna do?"
- "Look what I'm got!"

Anyway, about his birthday. MIL and I were planning on taking him to Fleay's wildlife park. DH wasn't too happy about that as he was working but I said we could all go together another time. Jimmy had a runny nose and a slight cough the day before but woke up on his birthday as sick as a dog. Poor little man. I ended up in his bed with him and we were woken at 7am. He was pretty happy with his presents. He got a magnetic drawing board thingy, a plastic Ikea toolset which he adores, an Ikea abacus, a pair of light-up sneakers, and a mummy-made outfit.

After the school run, we went to see Gran and Granddad for morning tea and gifts. He got a cool educational wooden floor puzzle and a Very Hungry Caterpillar board game, which I've tried to play with him but he's been more interested in putting the little round pieces back into the piece of card they came in. Sigh.

His cough became steadily worse, and after his nap he had a huge coughing fit that had him very distressed so I decided to go to the chemist. The lady I spoke to thought it sounded like croup and suggested I go nextdoor to the doctor. I knew it wasn't croup as he's had it twice before but we went to the doctor anyway. Jimmy was a very patient patient and the doctor gave him two lollipops after telling me it was just a virus and no medication apart from Panadol would be necessary.

We had burritos for dinner and birthday cake for dessert (made by MIL, iced by me!). I felt really bad that he had such a dull birthday.
All week I'd been telling him that we were doing something special for his birthday, and on the way back from morning tea, he kept saying, "Are we going to something special now?". Poor little man. We wanted to go tomorrow, but he is still quite sick and so is Elizabeth. DH and I have it too but we mostly just have runny noses and the sneezes.

A happy post

2011-03-20T03:49:00.000-07:00

Things have been great this week.

I've recovered from my little hissy fit last week and have decided not to worry about other people's opinions because they have no idea. Things with T have been really good this week and I've been trying to relax, have fun, and let her dad deal with her when he's home.

The little ones are doing well. Elizabeth is trying really hard to walk. She walks if we hold her hands, and sometimes if we hold just one hand. It's so sweet to see the determination on her face! Her sleep has been all over the place lately. For the last few nights she's woken around 2 or 3am and won't go back to sleep so we've been bringing her into our bed. Sometimes she goes straight to sleep, and other times she just squirms around like a lunatic until I get the shits and put her back in the cot. We were hoping to move her in with her brother soon but I really don't want to be getting up 4 times a night to put her dummy back in when she's in another room.

She has a few words now- Mum, poo (she curls her lips inwards and goes pppppp whist blowing air), and ball. I'm not worried about her speech at all, even though I know babies a lot younger than her who have a much wider vocabulary. Jimmy wasn't really saying very much at the same age and now he's an amazing talker.

Jimmy is such a joy. He entertains us all day long by saying silly things and showing off. Unfortunately he is spending far too much time in front of the television but I'm doing my best to whittle down the time spent in front of it. Now that he and Elizabeth enjoy playing together, I'm trying to get them both involved in activities together.

Jimmy is moving up to a different room at day care as of next week. The teachers have decided he is going to skip the next room (for 2-4 year olds) and go straight to the 3-6 year old room. The classroom is amazing and full of really interesting things to see and do, and Jimmy loves it. He spent the whole day there after morning tea for the last two weeks and will again this week. It's his third birthday on Friday and next week he will be able to formally join the Rembrandt room.

We are going to take him to Fleay's wildlife park on Friday. It's a surprise and he will love it. I haven't been there since high school so I'm looking forward to it.

2011-03-10T17:53:00.000-08:00

Okay, no more woe-is-me blog posts. Only sunshiney, happy family ones.

I wonder how many of you reading my last few posts have judged me?

There is only one person on this earth who knows what it is like to try to be a mother to my steapdaughter, and that is ME. NOBODY ELSE KNOWS WHAT IT IS LIKE. So please don't tell me how I should feel.

Yes, funnily enough, I did know that DH had a child when we got together. Did I know that, 8 years later, her mum would be happy for her to be living here practically all the time? No. Am I happy with that? Fuck no.

I see my friends with their happy little families...sure, their lives aren't perfect, but they aren't expected to love a child that they didn't give birth to.

Fuck, her own mother doesn't even like her. She doesn't give anyone any reason to like her. Her flute teacher told me that she, quote, 'doesn't go out of her way to make people like her'.

Maybe I'm a selfish bitch for wanting my kids to grow up in a household that isn't ruled by a spoilt brat.

I don't like doing this. I don't have a choice. Leaving my husband is not an option. I am allowed to feel like this.

She is a difficult child. Yes, the way I have been acting lately in response to her behaviour has not been acceptable. But fuck, I can only deal with it for so long until I crack.

I'm sick of having to justify my feelings to people. I wish they could come and be a fly on the wall and see the shit we have to put up with from her. She is a very, very difficult child- why the hell do you think her mother doesn't want her, yet is happy to have her 3 adult sons live at home? Yes, I realise her mum is an idiot.

This is the last blog post about her. It hurts too much to have people judge me.

2011-03-10T03:24:00.000-08:00

I'm still here, and I'm okay...last week was a really, really bad week. DH stayed home for 4 days and T went to her mum's for the weekend, so I had some breathing space. I had a good session with my psychologist yesterday and am feeling confident that I can deal with things. We talked about the fact that I feel I have to shoulder all the parenting, due to my need for control and having things done my way, and she wants me to step back and leave it to DH when he's here. So I've been doing just that. I've realised that I don't need to be her parent 24/7, and I don't need to be the bad guy all the time. I deserve a break and I should give myself one.

2011-03-05T12:42:00.000-08:00

Just in case anybody out there is worried about my sanity...

I had a very difficult session with my psychologist on Thursday. I cried pretty much the whole time and she said she couldn't see any of the Noelle that was there the previous week. She made me sign an agreement stating that I will not be alone with T until our next session. She said that she will have to report me if I ever lash out at T in a physical way again. Talk about a wake-up call.

My confidence is feeling shattered this week. I was so sure that I had my emotions under control, but not only did I engage in an argument with her, I hit her. Something I swore I would never do. The implications of it are too scary...what if her mum tells the police...I could have my blue card taken away, or worse...

Anyway, she is at her mum's for the weekend, and DH is off work for a while. He showed his boss the abusive text I sent him and his boss saw how serious things are.

I'm just so full of hate and I don't know how I got to this stage. It sucks.

This sucks.

2011-03-01T02:01:00.000-08:00

I'm so sick of this.

This post will probably get deleted, just like the dozen or so others that I've written about my rocky relationship with my stepdaughter. Why? Because I don't want people to see my ugly side. My kids have been seeing my ugly side too much lately and I hate myself for it.

*Deleted*

2011-02-27T02:09:00.001-08:00

This weekend has been sooooooo boring. I have not left the house since Friday and I'm getting serious cabin fever!

The roofer finally came and started our roof restoration early on Saturday morning, so all day we had to listen to his really loud gurney for blasting all the old paint off the roof tiles. I couldn't go anywhere because DH was working in the garden all day and taking stuff to the dump. He did that again all day today as well. I really love our house but the yard is sooooo much work. Everyone says "Oh, but all backyards are hard work". Well, they haven't seen ours. We were discussing today the possibility of having a yard dude come here on a regular basis so that DH can actually do things with his family instead of working his butt off in the yard every weekend. We are not the kind of people to pay others to do stuff we are capable of doing ourselves, but we are seriously considering it when I start working again. Which, if you're wondering, will be next year, but only one day a week.

The bad part about DH doing yard work all weekend is that I get stuck with the kids. I don't mean that to sound nasty, but after trying to keep them entertained all week, it's nice to have some time to do my own stuff on the weekend. Today I managed to do quite a bit of sewing. I took advantage of both children napping at the same time, and brought them both into the games room with me where they were happy to play with Lego and make a big mess.

Elizabeth got a cool cushion and some lovely board books for her birthday, and I've made a little reading corner next to the couch with her books stored in an old margarine container from my kitchenhand days. I decided to make a fabric basket for the books to go in, big enough to fit the margarine container in it for strength so it can be used to carry heavier items.

In true Noelle fashion, it was done very quickly and very dodgily. It has polyester batting to give it its shape, and some coordinating fabrics that I bought from Ikea ages ago but never used.
I think I might make another one to store our 'dunny can magazines' in.

Jimmy soon discovered another use for it- a basinette for Elizabeth's doll, Li'l Betty, whom he seems to have claimed as his own. He has never played with a doll before so I was very surprised that he knew what to do. He lifted up his shirt to give her a feed and made slurping noises, then burped her, tucked her into her bed, said "It's wake up time!" and then, "She's learning to walk now!". It was so cute.

I also started on, and almost finished, a nappy for Elizabeth. I took a photo of her stash the other day and was thinking that we have more than enough, then I realised I have enough nappy making fabrics to create a whole new stash. So I am going to try to make one or two per fortnight and sell on some of the ones she already has.

A friend have me some truly stunning minky- this grape colour (it looks burgundy in the pics) and a blue/green one. They are unbelievably soft and lush. I decided to try an applique on this one. It's pretty dodgy but not too bad. I'm slowly getting better at my satin stitch.

I'm trying the front snap version of the Darling Diapers pattern this time. I do love my side snappers but DH and MIL much prefer front fasteners, not 'backwards nappies'. Haha.
It will be an All-in-two, my nappy of choice.

Creations

2011-02-17T02:36:00.001-08:00

Well, so far this year I've ALMOST stuck to my resolution of finishing one project a week. Almost.

First up was this special outfit for Elizabeth's birthday. I had bought a huge amount of fabric from someone on a forum, inluding two deliciously cute and girly cupcake prints. I decided on a romper because dresses are too awkward for crawling babies. I decided to use a crisp apple green instead of the typical pink.

I used two different vintage patterns, both by McCalls. The hat is a one-size-fits-all, so it's a wee bit on the big side, but still fine. Instead of lining it with plain, boring fabric, I used a cute print and added buttonholes next to the chin straps to make it fully reversible. I absolutely love it and I think the shape of the brim is so cute.

The romper I made perhaps one size too big, but the Scottish in me always wants things to fit for longer, so I made it in medium instead of small. I modified it by doing away with the leg elastic in a casing, opting instead for a rolled hem with thin elastic sewn a presser foot's width away from the edge to give the ruffled look that I think is just adorable. I added some pink ric rac and a purchased cupcake transfer (both Ebay buys).

Next up was something girly for Trudie's baby girl, who arrived earthside today (yay!!!).
I decided on a tiny weeny little pinafore to fit this winter. I made my pattern using a pinny of Elizabeth's and it turned out great. The corduroy fabric was from the same lot as the cupcake fabric. I used a nice dark, stiff denim for the 'good' side and experimented with my machine's blanket stitch around the applique.

I also decided to make a cute romper. I chose this sweet blue floral quilter's cotton because I think Trudie will like it. I made the small size, which will hopefully fit for a while. I put 3 different snap settings on the straps to make it last longer.

I put them in a box with some lovely hand knitted goodies- a dress that another dear friend made for Elizabeth which is unfortunately far too small; a pair of pants and matching beanie knit by my MIL as well as some booties; a totally adorable apricot cardi and bonnet set which was too big for Elizabeth last winter and too small now; and a few pairs of socks.

A couple of fitted nappies I made for an online swap. It's lucky I'm not a fan of fitteds, otherwise they'd never have made it to their new owner- they are just divine!
I cut the outers in 2 halves so that the pattern would be the right way up whether viewed from the back or the front.

2011-02-12T13:02:00.000-08:00

This time last year, I was feeling completely euphoric, having just birthed my tiny baby girl.

It was a short, intense labour, and I was very surprised when I felt the urge to push and her head came out on that first push.

The first few days were a mixture of happiness, sadness and frustration. Happy that I had a baby girl that I would walk through fire to protect; sad that soon she would need to have surgery, and that Jimmy was no longer my only baby; and frustrated to have such early success with breastfeeding only to discover it was far too much hard for my tiny girl.

I spent a lot of time walking around the hospital carrying her in my pouch sling, and nurses, patients and visitors alike marvelled at how tiny she was.

Coming home was strange. Jimmy was very put out that I hadn't left the new arrival at the hospital, but after a couple of days of giving him lots of attention, he decided to forgive me and realised that 'Libadess' was here to stay.

The first few months were incredibly difficult. Looking back, I don't ever want to go through that again. I'm not a strong enough woman to cope with a baby who cries all the time, needs to be bottle fed, and has an older sibling who also needs my time. She didn't smile until she was four months old- I don't blame her, having such a grumpy, stressed mum.

She is still a very needy baby, and has cried more in the last 12 months than her brother has in his entire life. Some days it all gets a bit much, but I'm learning to deal with stress better.

She looks so completely different now compared to when she was born. Her surgeons really did an amazing job. You can't even tell she had a cleft lip.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to get ready for her little party. Will post pics tonight.

2011-01-24T02:34:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's nearly the end of January already! Goodness, it will be Christmas again before we know it.

DH had 4 weeks of holidays starting on Christmas Day. Typically, it rained pretty much every day. He did get to do a fair bit of stuff around the house, but due to the rain the work on our roof and pergolas was further delayed.

Then the floods came :(
It was so devastating to watch. My heart just ached for the poor people in places like Toowoomba, Murphy's Creek and Grantham. The terror of seeing a torrential wave approaching is just unimaginable. Then there were the thousands of misplaced families, families who had to leave their homes to the flood waters. I cannot imagine how I would act in such a situation. I have so many possessions that are precious to me. Would I try to save them, or would I just get my family to an evacuation centre as quickly as possible with no regard for my worldly possessions? I pray that I will never be in that situation. We were so very lucky not to be affected here.

DH had to go back to work on the Friday the week of the flooding. He has a very high stress job at the best of times, and I have so much pride and admiration for the way he handled such a massive undertaking. He was gone by 6am every morning from the Friday until yesterday (9 days) and his phone was ringing before he left and after he got home every single day. He never brought his stress home and jumped right back into his Dad role as soon as he walked through the door.

He turned 40 last Wednesday and it was pretty much a non event. He left for work really early and it was a beautiful day so MIL and I took the kids to the beach. I felt terrible having such a good time on such a big birthday while he was at work. We went out for dinner that night but half an hour before he got home, I realised I'd forgotten to make a cake and it was way too late to buy one. I felt bloody awful.
He wants to have a big party at our place once the work on the house has been completed. It will probably end up being a combined party for himself, Elizabeth and Jimmy.

Elizabeth update

2011-01-05T02:58:00.000-08:00

So here's what Elizabeth is up to lately.

She started sitting up unassisted about a week and a half ago. Finally! She's very good at it too, and hasn't had many topples. A few days after being able to stay in a sitting position when placed on the floor, she figured out how to sit from crawling.

She's also standing up on her knees and inspecting everything on the coffee table. A couple of times I've caught her trying to stand on her feet.

She has started blowing raspberries on my arm when I hold her (which is all the time!).

She talks heaps. When she wants to get someone's attention, she makes this loud, short noise that sounds something like "Unh!". When she looks at the fish tank, she says "Sssshhhh". Funnily enough, 'Shhhh' (fish) was Jimmy's first word! She loves sticking her finger in her mouth and going "Wabawabawaba!"

Yesterday, she started clapping. It is the cutest thing! Since yesterday I've been clapping my hands and saying "Clap, clap!" and now when I say 'clap', she claps. It's awesome to see her understand what I'm saying to her.

Here is a video of her clapping. Enjoy!

2011-01-04T03:20:00.000-08:00

At Natural Bridge on Sunday.

Playing with Jemima.

Outside with Jimmy.

Being cute.

2011!

2010-12-31T13:35:00.000-08:00

Happy new year!

I'm not usually into making resolutions, but here are my goals for this year.

- Spend more time with my kids laughing, playing, and having fun

- Limiting Jimmy's television veiwing time

- Incorporate more music into our day through singing, rhythm games, and listening to all genres of music

- Do more baking, with or without the children's 'help'

- Do more sewing. I would like to complete at least one project a week (doesn't sound like much but I'm very slow), and limit my WIPs to two at a time

- Do regular flute practice. Don't know how or when I'm going to acheive this...maybe on Saturdays before or after my students?

- Organise some gigs for my band and improve my improvisational skills.

- Keep the house tidy and do one big cleaning job per week, eg. clean the fish tank, clean the blinds, vacuum (that is a big job for me).

- Spend less time on the computer

- Try not to be so nasty to my stepdaughter

- Eat more, exercise more, and put on a couple of kilograms

- Walk the dog more than once a week

Christmas!

2010-12-27T01:31:00.001-08:00

My day started at the usual time of 5am. Jimmy woke at about 5:30 and so did his big sister. Jimmy and T found their stockings on the tree and got their little gifts out- an Iggle Piggle finger puppet for Jimmy and a bag of marbles for T.

Daddy woke around 6:15 and then it was present time. Jimmy was not in a very good mood. He was very excited about his first present (a big bag of 2nd hand plastic sea creatures) but he was annoyed that we kept trying to make him open more gifts. I think we gave him far too many little presents and it was a bit overwhelming for him. Next time we will give him one or two gifts instead.

We all did very well. T was happy with her presents. She got 2 books, a snowflake charm for her 'Pandora' bracelet, a really cool quilt cover set with Japanese dolls on it, 2 tops, a DIY craft box, a DS game, a Lego truck, a Hallmark Christmas ornament, and a Smiggle pencil case.

Elizabeth got a cute handmade hat, a handmade knitted doll, a mummy made quilt, 2 tops, a dress, 2 nappies (one mummy made), a toy (from big sis) and some books to share with Jimmy.

Jimmy got the sea creatures, a Kidorable frog umbrella, a tiny Duplo set with 4 pieces in it, a Duplo paint with water book, 3 Click Clack wooden vehicles, a small John Deere tractor, a mummy made quilt cover set, and a set of Mr Men books from big sis.

Daddy got a Star Wars Lego encyclopaedia, a Star Wars Lego Brickmaster book, The Pacific DVD box set, and a Star Wars Lego set which he bought for himself.

I got a fantastic slimline hi-fi thingy with a CD player and Ipod dock. I don't have an Ipod but DH does, and the CD player in my stereo isn't working so I really missed having music in the lounge room. I love it!

We headed over to the in-laws' around 10:30. On the way, the creme caramel I'd made the day before lost some of its sauce when we went around a corner. I had soooo much trouble making the damn sauce (it took 5 attempts) so I was almost in tears!

We got spoiled rotten by MIL, FIL and BIL. Jimmy got a scooter with flashing lights on it, finger paint, a smock, and an art pad. I got some sewing stuff, T got 8 charms for her bracelet and some earrings. DH got books and an awesome remote control helicopter. My family turned up just before lunch and gave the kids some nice gifts. I didn't really speak to my mum all day because she was down the other end of the table and I made myself busy so I didn't have to speak to her. I'm surprised Jimmy remembers who she is sometimes.

The food was fantastic and my desserts were a hit. The creme caramel was out of this world, and the fruit tarts were delicious too. It all became a bit much for Jimmy at about 3pm when he fell asleep on his little wicker chair in front of the TV.

T went to her mum's house in the afternoon where she will be staying until the weekend. I'm really enjoying the break from her as she has been very difficult lately. We notice that if she doesn't see her mum for about 3 weeks, her behaviour becomes very erratic. It had been 5 weeks since she'd last seen her mum, so needless to say, things were a bit tense here. I wish her mother would spend more time with her.

DH is on holidays for 4 weeks now. We have recently refinanced our mortgage and have put a bit aside to do some home improvements. Our roof was supposed to have a restoration done a few weeks ago but the weather has been too wet. Hopefully the rain will stop soon because we would like to have all the work done before DH goes back to work. As well as the roof, we are having a repair done to one of the supports for the roof, 4 new ceiling fans installed, and a new back patio built. DH will be tearing down the existing patio and chopping down all the trees in the garden to make room for an extended section of patio roof. If there is enough time and/ or money left, we will have all our gutters replaced because it looks like Niagara Falls outside when it rains.

On a sad note, tomorrow marks 5 years since my dear old dad passed. I miss him still, and dearly wish he could see his grandkids, but the pain isn't as raw as it was 5 years ago. It has become more of a dull ache that I have learned to live with.
So much has changed since then- I have graduated from university, become engaged, married, and given birth to two amazing children. I know he would have adored Jimmy and Elizabeth.

Some recent creations

2010-12-21T03:13:00.001-08:00

This is my grand total of FOs for the last two or three months. I very rarely get (or make) the time to sew lately. I plan to change that. I always seem to have 3 or 4 works in progress at a time, and I need to just concentrate on one before I move onto another. First up is Elizabeth's Christmas outfit. I love the dress pattern. It is actually a top- the dress would have come down to Elizabeth's ankles! I prefer dresses that skim over the bum for babies and toddlers, both for ease of crawling and nappy-showoffability!

I actually made another dress from this pattern the week after I finished it, but didn't take photos. I plan to make another one soon, modifying it to be fully reversible, and with snaps at the shoulders instead of a zipper on the back.

A nappy for Kristie's bub. This was my first time doing applique on a nappy. It would have turned out better if I could actually draw a mushroom!

It wasalso my first attempt at a cotton panel, AND adjustable rise! Kristie assures me that the nappy is performing well.

And these are some shorts for Kristie's bub, made using fabric she sent me. It's so cute! I made an adjustable waistband for the first time. I really need to learn to ask for help or research when I attempt new techniques instead of making it up as I go along!

This was my 2nd attempt at an adjustable rise nappy. I just can't seem to get the legs to roll inwards, but I'm very happy with everything else. The fit is awesome, and my booster system is super thirsty. I use a double layer snap in trifold, and a double layer, fleece topped hourglass snapped onto the trifold.

Elizabeth's cot quilt. It was bloody hard work. Yet again, my first real attempt at a quilt, and yet again, I made it up as I went along. It looks very pretty, just don't look at the fine details!

Jimmy's quilt cover and pillow cases. This was really hard too. I'm sure he'll love it.

I wanted to make a quilt cover for T but ran out of time and patience, so I bought her one from Spotlight with cute Japanese dolls on it that I saw her eyeing off.

2010-12-10T03:52:00.000-08:00

Today, Jimmy was involved in his very first concert.
His daycare centre put on its Christmas concert, and even though he only goes one day a week, I thought it would be nice for him to be involved, so we went along.

It was the funniest concert. It was very hard to see him because we were all sitting on teeny tiny toddler chairs, and he was sitting near the back of all the performers, but I did see enough to know that he didn't do very much singing. None at all, in fact. He just sat there and sucked his thumb the whole time! At least he didn't cry like some of the others- that would have broken my heart.

Afterwards, Santa came and when it was Jimmy's turn to go see him, he was terrified. His big sister had to grab the gift because Jimmy wouldn't even look at Santa.

He was happy to get the present, though. It was a little book and he just adores books.

This afternoon T had her ballet break up party. Ms Ripoff Merchant was handing out a few awards, and when she got to the 'funny awards', she talked about a particular student who talks non-stop in every lesson. As soon as she said that, I knew who she meant. My stepdaughter can talk the ears off a concrete elephant.

I tried to take some pics of the kids to send away to relatives. I only managed to get one nice one of all three of them, but Elizabeth has a kind of funny expression on her face. Oh well, it will have to do, because I'm not one of those mums who will go to any length to get the perfect photo.

I do love this one of Elizabeth. She looks so sweet, cheeky and kissable! She sat for about a minute while I took some photos. She's still very wobbly.

Christmas is coming!

2010-11-29T02:54:00.000-08:00

I'm getting excited. Even though we're not religious at all (in fact, we are die hard atheists), there's just something magical about Christmas. Especially when you have children. I remember the excitement and anticipation surrounding Christmas when I was a kid.

My sister and I had traditions that we would carry out every year. We would watch the old Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer movie (the one with plasticine figures), and lie underneath the tree, staring up into the branches. On Christmas Eve, we would sleep in the same bed (either hers, mine or the spare bed) and read Christmas books, then when we were tired, would whisper excitedly, "See you on Christmas! Shh, stop talking, go to sleep!"

We would wake up super early, run into the lounge room, and marvel at the presents under the tree. While we waited for Mum and Dad to wake up, we would examine the parcels and decided on an order in which we would open them. Then when Mum and Dad finally stirred, after what seemed like a million years, we would leap onto their bed and say, "Merry Christmas!" and then kind of act like we'd forgotten about the presents, just bursting for them to say, "Well, go and get the presents!" We would be so happy with everything we got. One year, all we wanted was our own Cabbage Patch Doll each, but didn't think that we would get them because they were fairly expensive, and we were beside ourselves with excitement when we each received one.
Mum chose our gifts very carefully every year.

I have been buying presents for my children since halfway through the year. I always think ahead to Christmas and keep an eye out for the items I want at bargain prices. I don't spend a lot and I prefer to buy a few well made things instead of loads of plastic crap. I did want to make many of the gifts myself this year but it looks like only Jimmy's quilt cover and Elizabeth's cot quilt will be made in time.

It's very difficult buying presents for Tiffany, when she is used to getting so much stuff from her mother. For the first few years David and I were together, we would spend at least $200 on gifts for her, and she would cry because she was upset that we didn't give her enough. That really used to upset me because I would spend so much time choosing what to buy her, and her mother would just buy her enough toys to fill a toy store. Over the years, we have gradually spent less on her, and she now realises that our gifts are carefully chosen, as opposed to her mother, who last year spent over $1000 on stuff that has mostly remained untouched to this day.

I can't wait to eat lots of yummy food and watch my children have fun. I really love spending time with my in-laws. My brother in law will be here for the first time in a few years which is great. I thought about not bothering to invite my sister and mum but thought it's probably easier to keep the peace.

2010-11-08T02:48:00.000-08:00

I've been neglecting my little ol' blog lately. It's not for lack of computer time- far from it. I've been spending way too much time on Facebook and just general net surfing. Plus, I really don't think I have anything interesting to say!

Elizabeth is an absolute joy. She is almost sitting now- she has sat up for about 10 seconds a few times. She does this hilarious attempt at crawling whereby she throws her arms and legs forwards then drags her body over to where her limbs are. It is very funny to watch.

She is eating heaps of food. We're not really doing baby led solids per se; rather, I give her the same foods we eat. If what I'm eating needs to be eaten with a spoon (porridge, bolognese sauce,rice), then I will feed her; otherwise, she feeds herself. Her favourite finger foods are pawpaw, banana, pear, rice and corn thins, cheese, and omelette. I don't puree anything and I certainly don't buy baby food- never have, never will. I'm not saying that there is anything nutritionally wrong with commercial baby food. It is just completely wasteful to buy tiny little jars of food when babies can eat normal family foods.

Jimmy has had a run of illness lately. Firstly he had bullous myringitis- very painful blisters on his eardrum, then suspected measles. He's fine now and all of his spots are gone, but he had to miss 2 days of daycare. It's so difficult to get him back into the swing of things if he misses a day when he only goes one day a week.

He is such a clown. He says the funniest things- this morning he said to me, "Can I fart on your head?". He loves playing hide and seek, chasey, and Duplo. He has quite an obsessive personality and likes things to be 'just so'. He cannot walk past the recliner in the games room without putting it in the recline position (regardless of whether someone is standing in front of it and gets knocked in the shins!), and lately he has made a ritual of peeing into a cup when he gets into the bath.

Me- I'm good. I'm expressing 3 times a day for Elizabeth. I am finding it really easy to get up at 5:15am every day. I never would have thought that I could survive on 7 hours of sleep every night!

Something very exciting is happening this weekend...my band is having its first rehearsal! I just can't wait. I love playing my flute in the orchestra but it can get a bit boring. Playing in big bands is so much fun. I am looking forward to getting my saxophone playing back up to a good standard as I haven't really played since 2005 when I was gigging every weekend with the Chancellor Big Band.

2010-10-31T04:39:00.000-07:00

We've had a few big green tree frogs around lately. It's so nice to see and hear them. We've lived here for almost 5 years and have only seen one other one in that whole time.

Elizabeth has 2 teeth now. They are very cute. She has been grizzling a fair bit during the day, but has mostly been happy. She's still sleeping really well at night.

Jimmy and I went to Dreamworld last Wednesday and had a really great time.
DH spent this weekend laying new turf in the little area next to the pool, so we'll be spending a lot of time there during summer. The swing set will be installed there and I'm going to find a little wrought iron table and chairs so I can sit out there with a cuppa.
I have been doing a lot of sewing lately- two dresses for Elizabeth, a nappy for someone special, and some more work on Jimmy's quilt cover.
My band has its first rehearsal in 2 weeks and I'mso incredibly excited.
Life is good.

Some facts about Elizabeth

2010-10-14T04:14:00.000-07:00

Elizabeth looks nothing like me- I've finally realised and accepted this fact! She is a Mac, through and through. The only things she has inherited from me are my not-so-desirable characteristics: my pale skin; 'freaky long toes' as Himself calls them (second toes longer than big toes-quite common); inverted nipples (mine aren't any more, thanks to almost 2 years of a baby/breastpump pulling them out); and my teeny tiny frame.

She drinks approximately 900mL of expressed milk per day.

She sleeps for an average of 11 hours a night...unbroken! And no, I don't drug her!

She loves rolling around. As soon as she is put on the floor or a bed, over she goes!

She doesn't have any teeth yet. Jimmy had his first tooth around 7 months.

She isn't sitting up yet. Jimmy started sitting the day after his first tooth came through.
She does love to sit up and have her arms held for her to keep her steady.

She has way too many nappies. Another one is on its way to her (a girly frog one- HOW could I resist?) as well as 3 embroidered minky cuts, not to mention all the minky I already have. Ooops!

She is still wearing size 000 clothing, at 8 months of age! She wears 00 as well, but I'm trying to squeeze a little more wear out of the 000s!

The colour red really, really suits her. I think we may have to make it her signature colour!

She weighs between 6.5 and 7 kg (I think). Jimmy was at least a kilogram heavier at this age. She's so petite and sweet!

She is starting to eat a bit more food. She loves banana, rockmelon, brocolli, porridge with apples and boob milk, Weetbix with apples and boob milk, bolognese sauce...in fact, everything I offer her, she gobbles up.

Oh, I almost forgot this- she has a mild tongue tie, and a mild labial adhesion. I had never heard of the latter, and the former surprised me because so many doctors had poked around in her mouth without noticing it! The paediatrician didn't express any concern for either condition, and didn't recommend surgery.

She has terrible cradle cap that I haven't really worried about up until now, but it's getting worse, so I am treating it every day with almond oil.

Her favourite place to be is sitting on her mummy's hip. If I am not in her line of sight, she gets very cranky indeed.

She has the cheekiest grin I've ever seen, and her dimples melt my heart.

She thinks her big brother is the funniest thing in the world.

She is the most beautiful gift I could ever have asked for.

Day one of healthier lunches

2010-10-11T02:49:00.001-07:00

I did the grocery shopping today and bought loads of yummy vegies. I decided to stop buying tinned corn kernels, coz hey, it's not that hard to take the kernels off a cob. Into my Tupperware chopper-uppy-thing went cauliflower, broccoli, yellow capsicum, and mushrooms. I sauteed them all in some olive oil and garlic, then added some diced tomatoes and tomato paste. I decided to buy some tortellini as a special treat.

It was a hit for the first 5 or so minutes, until I made the mistake of asking him to use his spoon and not his fingers. He got the shits about that!

His little sister certainly enjoyed hers.

After some cajoling, I convinced Jimmy to sit down at his little yellow table (had to bribe him with the telly- we have it turned off during meals) and he managed to eat a bit more.

He ate most of his dinner tonight too- fish fingers, chips and Greek salad. And over this meal, my stepdaughter complained that the food I make is too healthy. WTF? It's not her fault though; her mother is in her ear all the time.

2010-10-10T03:54:00.000-07:00

Happy girl playing with her brother's Lego.

Playing Lego together. So cute!

We went to Dreamworld last week. Jimmy went up and patted the 'big daddy' kangaroo, but would not go near this ridiculously cute baby one. I think it may have had something to do with the fact that the big one was lying down, and this one was standing up.

My handsome boy on the train at Dreamworld. We left Elizabeth with her Gran because Dreamworld is not baby friendly at all.

Jimmy on his 'purple horse' at Dreamworld. I love spending time with my little guy one-on-one. He's so much fun, and so incredibly interested in everything going on around him.

Jimmy is really enjoying his Thursdays at day care. He is always playing with a nice little boy called Billy. Apparently he eats all his vegetables at lunch time there. He's become a very fussy eater at home and it's frustrating me. Tonight we had yummy chicken schnitzel with sugar snap peas, carrots and mashed tatties, and he wouldn't try any of it. I have been a bit lazy with lunches lately, and have been letting him have baked beans or spaghetti (the salt reduced ones, but they're still junk) so I'm going to be a bit more strict now and hopefully he will eat a good lunch every day. When it comes to meals, everyone gets the same food. I will cook foods that everyone likes, and occasionally throw in a new ingredient or try out a new dish, but nothing adventurous. The kids can choose to eat it or not eat it; I can't force them. If they don't, no other food will be given until the next meal/snack time. For now, Jimmy doesn't seem to care if he eats nothing for dinner. I hope it changes some time soon.

Elizabeth is really happy and laughing, smiling and rolling around heaps. She's still not sitting by herself, but I'm not worried. She's still a great sleeper at night time and is usually in bed by 6pm and sleeps until about 5am, waking a couple of times for her dummy. I never in a million years thought that one of my babies would use a dummy.

2010-09-28T04:13:00.000-07:00

Jimmy draws at his easel every day. The other day he said to me, "I draw a Jimmy!" and this is what he showed me. I was amazed- you can clearly see two eyes and a mouth shape. I don't know if it was a total fluke or not because he has only ever drawn circles and scribbles.

I dragged this art desk out of the garage yesterday. We gave it to T for her 3rd birthday and it hasn't seen the light of day since we moved to this house 5 years ago. Jimmy was sooooo excited when he saw it. It came with a heap of number and letter magnets and he's already learned to recognise T, O, P, 4 and 5.

We went to the botanic gardens today and E had a lovely roll around on the picnic blanket. It was so hot today- I actually got sunburnt! Who gets sunburnt in September?!

I love this pic of Elizabeth! A cheeky smile and wearing all handmade stuff. I love seeing her in clothing that has been lovingly made by someone.

This is Jimmy on his first full day of daycare. He doesn't look too happy, but he hates posing sometimes. This was actually at the end of the day. He loves 'school' so much. He has a little friend called Billy- they are always playing in the sandpit together when I go to pick him up.

My cheeky smiley girl. She is just so gorgeous lately. It is so nice to be able to enjoy my baby.

2010-09-13T04:33:00.000-07:00

Caution: This may be very distressing to read. However, I think it's beneficial to read it. The news this week featured many stories about the 9 year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, but no-one seems to care about other tragedies that have occurred in Eastern or Third World countries.

I just watched Four Corners on the ABC. It was about the flooding in Pakistan.

My god, my heart is breaking.

They were filming in a 'ward' (a corridor of the hospital) for children affected by diarrhea (sp) following the flood. The doctor was telling the reporter about some of the patients- one of them a one-year-old girl suffering from diarrhea, malnutrition, dehydration and abdominal distension.

While they were filming, the girl stopped breathing and died.

Her mother carried her out of the room alone, looking completely lost and bewildered. Someone said, "Her eyes are open, close them with some water". So she did. Then she continued walking down the corridor with her dead baby.

The world is so unfair. I want to cry and cry and cry.

2010-09-03T04:29:00.000-07:00

I've had a pretty crappy week.

I absolutely despise 5pm-6pm. Elizabeth screams from tiredness and hunger, Jimmy runs around the house like a nutcase, annoying T (purposely, because she reacts so strongly) and she yells at him. I'm trying to get the point across that she is his role model, and needs to speak to him calmly and remove him from the situation if he refuses to co-operate,but she just shouts "Jimmy! NO!!!" straight away.Soooooo frustrating. Jimmy has been pushing his boundaries a lot lately, and I have to keep reminding myself that he is a two year old boy and that it is completely normal. DH doesn't get home until at least 6:30, by which time Elizabeth is asleep, Jimmy is still running around like a feral animal, T is sitting on her arse watching TV, DH's dinner is cold, and the kitchen is a mess.

I had a very bad mummy moment tonight. I smacked my boy on the bum, hard. :(
I did it purely out of anger and frustration, without any warning whatsoever. He was so shocked that he burst into tears and ran to his daddy.
I felt so terrible afterwards that I could have cried. DH laughed it off but it really depressed me. I do not want us to be parents who smack our children. It's pretty nonsensical to tell him not to hit his sister, then hit him.

I have mega family shit going on. My mum and sister are like strangers- I can't believe I am even related to them. We have absolutely nothing in common. They don't give a crap about my kids. They don't realise how lucky they are.My dad would have been an awesome granddad and he never got the chance.

Jimmy went to day care twice this week. The first day, I left him for just over an hour. He cried on and off, but was mainly happy and participated in the activities. Yesterday, I intended to leave him for a couple of hours, but after an hour the director called me and told me that he was very upset. So I drove back as fast as I could without breaking the speed limit, ran up to the door, and saw him happily doing a jigsaw puzzle. Apparently he calmed down just after the phone call. I stayed and watched him through the window for 10 minutes, and then, satisfied that he was happy, went to the post office. When I came back, they were playing outside and when I went up to him, he said, "Hi, Mummy! You came back!" I gave him a massive cuddle and told him that I'd always come back, then he ran off to play some more. It took me 15 minutes to convince him to leave.

On the way out, he noticed all the beds lined up on the floor for nap time and told me that he'd like to sleep there one day.

I plan to take him for another short visit next week, and a full day the following week, but we'll see how he goes.

I'm feeling a bit lost lately. Elizabeth is still not what I'd call a happy baby, although she does have lots of good moments. I raise my voice at Jimmy far too often. I'm sick to death of bottles, expressing, nappies, cooking, school runs, mess, and a house that has so much that needs fixing, it would probably be cheaper to knock it down and rebuild it.

I think this is an appropriate moment to list five things that I'm thankful for.

1) I have a beautiful family

2) We are paying off our own house, which is on an awesome block of land in a fantastic area

3) I have amazing parents-in-law who would do anything for me, DH and the kids

4) My husband's salary is substantial enough for me to stay home with my children without having to make too many sacrifices

5) We live in a beautiful part of the world

Good mum?

2010-08-29T02:54:00.000-07:00

When I tell people that Elizabeth is bottle fed, most of them assume that she has formula. So it's very interesting guaging their reactions when I tell them that I express for her. They fall into two categories:

"Wow, what a great gift you are giving her!"
The people who say this say it sincerely, and truly have admiration for what I do. Even though they may not necessarily be breastfeeders, they appreciate that I am giving my daugher the very best Nature has to offer.

"You're a good mum, aren't you?"
Now, the ones who say this say it with a look on their face that they try to hide...a look that says "Why would you bother doing that when there are so many good formulas nowadays?" I'd love for someone to say that to me, so I can tell them exactly why I bother!

I express for my daughter because my milk is nutritionally superior to anything in a tin; it's free; I'll never have to make a mad dash to the shop if I run out; and it's better for the environment!

On another note, last night in the bath I offered E some booby, and instead of screaming like she always does, she opened her mouth really wide and stuck out her tongue! She had a teeny tiny little feed (about 5 seconds)- not much, but something!

I tried again today, and the same thing happened, but this time she stuck with it for a bit longer- she had a couple of 15 second sucks! After a few minutes, she got really cranky, so I stopped.

It's funny that I had resigned myself to never breastfeeding her, and now she is interested! I guess that babies really do feed off our emotions...now that I'm not obsessing about it, she has relaxed more.

I'm not getting my hopes up just yet, but it's a step in the right direction!

2010-08-25T03:43:00.000-07:00

Wow, I haven't blogged for a while! Probably because I don't have anything interesting to say!

Hmmm, let's see...

Elizabeth is now 6 months old. That's 6 months of expressing an average of 4 times a day, washing bottles twice a day, boiling the kettle countless times each day...it is so tedious, and I've got another 6 months until I reach my minimum goal!

Breastfeeding has gone out the window completely. I tried doggedly for about 2 weeks to put her on the breast once a day. She would turn her head away as soon as she saw it, and cry after a few seconds. While she cried, I took advantage of her open mouth and shoved the nipple in. She would attach every time, have a few sucks, then come off screaming. Every session was the same. I've decided that I don't have the patience or energy to pursue it. I feel like a failure in some ways, but then when I think about the awesome job I'm doing of providing her with nature's best, I don't feel so bad.

She still cries a lot...pretty much every time I put her down *sigh*. However, she is a lot happier than previously. She smiles heaps and loves sitting on my hip, looking around at everything. She has had a few nibbles of food and is showing a great deal of interest in it. I'm not going to do the spoon-feeding-mush thing with her. It will be very interesting explaining the concept of baby led solids to my husband and MIL!

Jimmy is as hilarious as ever. He is really using his imagination. He makes animals out of his hands (crabs, dogs and birds) and makes machinery (cement mixers, rubbish trucks, cranes) out of anything he can get his hands on.
He loves drawing and has recently learned how to draw circles and straight(ish) lines.
He loves exploring outside, annoying the dog, plane/helicopter/machinery spotting, and animals.
He's such a beautiful little boy. We are so lucky to have him!

We are going to give day care another go. We're going for a visit tomorrow. We'll see how it turns out!

I am still struggling to put on weight. At the moment I am the lightest I've been since my dad passed away. I have no arse and I hate the feeling of the bum of my jeans sagging all the time. At least I have some boobs though!

I'm slowly trying to get back on top of the housework. Our house still resembles a war zone but I have managed to vacuum twice in the last fortnight (!!!!) and take a bag or two of crap to Lifeline every Monday. I'm selling or giving away all of the clothes the kids have outgrown, as well as the nappies that don't work for us or are too small. I have been baking once or twice a week, and am staying on top of all the washing- nappies one day, clothes or towels or whites on the alternate days.

Ok, sick of typing now.

Elizabeth

2010-07-31T03:38:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd better do an update on our lovely girl.

Since her surgery, she is like a different baby. She sleeps during the day, IN HER COT, for up to an hour at a time, compared to thirty minutes in the motorised swing. She puts herself to sleep about 8 times out of 10, instead of needing to be fed to sleep all the time.

She has started rolling onto her tummy and reaching out for things in front of her. She loves talking and has huge conversations with herself while waiting for one of her slaves to attend to her.

Her little nose and mouth look amazing. She needs to wear her nasal stent for another couple of months, but it doesn't bother her.

She is feeding well and frequently (compared to a lot of babies). We switched her from her cleft palate teat to a regular teat as she was guzzling her feeds in 30 seconds flat. I am expressing 4 times a day and this yields approximately 800-1100mL of milk.

We have been trying to breastfeed, but the more I try, the more disheartened I feel. She attaches really easily, but refuses to suck and will just push away. I will keep trying but I don't know for how long.

She is just such a joy and always has a smile for anyone who passes into her line of sight. It's hard to imagine the dark days of her first three months. There were days when I truly felt that I was a failure, and I couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I'm so glad she has turned a corner and I am able to enjoy being her mummy.

2010-07-25T13:17:00.000-07:00

Playing football with Daddy at the Gold Coast United family fun day.

First face painting experience!

I love this pic!

Bumbo-ing around.

Mmmm, the BEST bolognese sauce ever. I put all the vegies in the food processor to make them really tiny. I used garlic, onion, cauliflower, zucchini and carrot. There is enough for 6 meals for the four of us.

2010-07-18T04:13:00.000-07:00

Showing off her new nose. It looks better and better every day.

My precious girl modelling Gran's knits.

Handsome boy. I bought this beanie for him last winter and he's always refused to wear it...until the other day when I said in a mega chirpy voice, "Look, it's got a bunny tail on top!" (a pompom).

Another day at Dreamworld.

Our week

2010-07-08T13:03:00.001-07:00

DH has had all of this week off, and it's been great having him home.

On Sunday we went to Ikea and got two more Billy bookcases (we already had 4 of them *rolls eyes*)- one for David's models, which seem to be multiplying at an alarming rate, and one for my fabric and sewing gear. Fitting them into the car was interesting and involved moving Jimmy's car seat to the other side, taking the bookcases out of the boxes, DH tripping over a concrete thing with his arms and legs flailing, and me sitting in the kiddie seat with my knees under my chin.

On Tuesday it was MIL's birthday so we went out for lunch at the casino. We gave MIL a Wii Fit which she is very excited about!

On Wednesday Elizabeth cried all day while DH made a new set of steps for the back deck. While doing so, he looked underneath the pavers on the other steps in the backyard and discovered about 10 toads under each one. This particular step had 22 toads hibernating under it. It was so unbelievably gross yet hilariously funny that I had to take photos.

Yesterday we went to Dreamworld- we took advantage of a really good offer they have at the moment for a pass that goes until the end of next July. We figure we can just go there for a couple of hours on a Sunday every few weeks, and it will be a good way for me to stop Tiff from being bored in the school holidays. Jimmy has never been to a theme park before and he was very awed by it all- he barely said two words the whole day, which is highly unusual for him! He loved all the animals, especially the tigers. I told him that the tigers were my favourite, and he said, "That's MY tigers!".

Surgery day

2010-06-25T04:45:00.000-07:00

The hospital's fasting instructions for babies stated that no milk was to be given after 2am, so I set my alarm for 1:45am. Woke Elizabeth up and made up a 150mL bottle. She took 100mL then promptly fell asleep. I vainly tried to get her to drink more but she was completely milk drunk. I set my alarm for 5:45 because we needed to leave by 6:35 at the latest.

The next thing I knew, DH was yelling down the corridor to his brother, "What time is it?" "Quarter past six." CRAP! BIL made us poached eggs on toast, which were wolfed down in record time. I had to choose between brushing my teeth and drinking coffee, and the coffee won. We got out the door at 6:35 and walked up to the Mater Children's Hospital reception at precisely 6:45. Whew!

We were sent to the waiting room of the children's day surgery. We were told Elizabeth would be the second case of the day, after a big case which was going to take a while. So the 8:30 surgery time we were expecting was more likely to be 11:00.

At around 9am, Elizabeth started getting a bit shirty, so the nurse rang the anaesthetist and asked if she could have some juice. She was allowed 35 mL but didn't want a bar of it.

I started chatting to a mum with a 10 year old boy who had a repaired cleft (they're easy to spot once you've seen a few!). He was there to have his bone graft operation. His mum was pregnant with her 5th child- she has 4 boys already, two of whom were cleft bubs. She was so down to earth and we had a great chat.

The nurse told us if we wanted to go get a coffee, we needed to be back by 11am. DH went and had brekkie downstairs around 9:30 (E was asleep in the sling), then I went and did the same. 11:00 came and the anaesthetist came and explained what was going to happen. She said that the case before us was about half finished. That meant we still had ages to wait.

Elizabeth was very hungry but was pretty happy to suck on her dummy and be carried in her sling. I can't remember how many times I walked up and down that damn corridor. She fell asleep a total of 3 times during the long wait.

Finally, at 1pm, I made a coffee and said to DH, "I bet they'll come get us now that I've made a coffee". Sure enough, before I'd even taken my first sip, a nurse came to get us.

We went into the pre-op foyer and Elizabeth was very upset at this point. She must have sensed what was coming. After about 3 minutes, a couple of nurses and the anaesthetist came out and said it was time to say goodbye. I tried to be strong but it was so hard. I held my baby in front of my face and said, "Goodbye sweetheart, you're going to get a new face. I love you". I then handed her to DH but didn't hear what he said because I was crying. Then they whisked her away and I stared at the doors that swung shut after them. DH and I held eachother for a few minutes and then I went to express because my boobs were aching.

We walked to South Bank and got some lunch. We were both in pretty good spirits. The worst part was over- the dreaded waiting with a starving baby. Now all we had to do was wait for the surgeon to do his work.

We went and waited in the parents' lounge. After about 40 minutes, the phone rang. One of the mums answered it and called out, "Elizabeth's parents?" I bounded to the phone and the lady on the other end said that we could go to recovery and get our daughter. We were both so excited, we practically skipped down the hallway. I pressed the intercom button outside recovery and told them who we were. We went in and a nurse said, "Elizabeth [not our surname]?" And I said, "No, Elizabeth [our surname]". "Oh", she said, "We meant the other one". So we had to go backwith our tails between our legs.

About 20 minutes later one of the surgeons came in to tell us that the operation was over and that it had gone very well. He said that she should be ready in about half an hour. Of course, it was closer to an hour.

When the call finally came, DH said he needed to pee. When he came out I grabbed his hand and we practically ran to Recovery. We walked in and a nurse with a big grin ws beckoning us over.

When we first saw our baby, I gasped in shock, amazement and surprise. I knew that she would never look the same again, but I was not prepared for how different she looked. Her whole face seemed to have been transformed. Gone was the wide mouth and round face- now her mouth was a tiny little rosebud, and her face seemed more heart-shaped. She looked so tiny and innocent in the big bed with her arms in splints.

We went up to the ward and she opened her little eyes tentatively. She was emitting little groaning noises like she was in pain. When she cried, it was the saddest little hoarse cry and sounded nothing like my baby.

After DH left, I sat and stared at her for ages. I just wanted to pick her up and cuddle her but was scared of all the tubes. She had her first feed around 6pm. The nurse held up her head while I squeezed the milk in using a squeezy bottle and pipette. It took her about 30 minutes but she had the whole 100mL. The next feed after that she took about 70mL in about an hour, and it went downhill from there. We had a pretty crappy night- she woke in pain every 2 hours and it took upwards of an hour to get tiny amounts of milk into her.

I was totally exhausted by 5am and fell asleep as soon as she'd fed. When I woke, it was 9am. I was in such a deep sleep that the nurse had to wake me because E had been crying for ages. She told me that the surgeon had been to see us. I was annoyed because I really wanted to talk to him. The nurse said that he'd told her that E could feed using her regular teat after the tough time she'd had that night.

Her feeding became marginally better throughout the day, but not good enough for us to go home. Her IV fluid was reduced by half in an attempt to get her feeding more, and her morphine drip was turned off and she was given Panadol every 4 hours.

This is her nasal stent, without the tape holding it in place. It is to be worn for 3 months and will shape her nostrils.

That night, at 10:30 she had been crying for an hour and I was exhausted. The nurse came in and asked if I wanted her to take E so I could sleep. I handed her over, hopped into bed and promptly fell asleep. The next thing I knew, it was 2:30 am. The nurse had E and I said, "You haven't had her this whole time, have you?" and she said that E had just woken up. I gave her a feed, expressed, and went back to sleep at 3:30 then woke at 7:30. It was so good to get a good night's sleep.

One of the plastic surgeons came around 8:30 and said that we could go home, so I rang DH and spent the morning waiting for him. My family arrived around 10:45 and I bid the staff goodbye and thanked them for being so lovely and helpful during our stay.

Now Elizabeth is getting used to her new face, and so are we.

One week to go

2010-06-14T20:13:00.000-07:00

E will be in surgery this time next week! Argh!

Here is a list of things that I need to pack. Please comment if you think there's anything I've forgotten!

Elizabeth
3x Wondersuits
3x singlets
3x onesies
Sleeping bag
Outfit to go home in
Nappies and wipes
Feeding equipment (2x squeezy bottles, pipettes)
Karicare thickener (need to buy this)
Arm splints
Sling
Bottle brush

Me
PJs
Bra, undies, 3 pairs breastpads
Tracksuit
Slippers
Comfy shoes
2x tops (will wear jeans there)
Mobile phone & charger
Wallet
Books
Breastpump and milk storage bags
Toothbrush, toothpaste, comb, shampoo & conditioner, pills
Pillow
Mug
Ipod
Hand cream

Anyone mind if I freak out now?

Our beautiful girl

2010-06-05T04:31:00.000-07:00

Our little girl is growing so very fast! It's so hard to believe that a little under 4 months ago, I could hold her on one of my forearms. She has really chunked out and is probably around 6kg now. In the last week or so, she has really been responding to human interaction- if anyone talks or makes funny faces to her, she grins and chuckles. It's so cute!

She is becoming much more settled. She still barely sleeps during the day, but is a great sleeper at nighttime so I can't complain. She's usually asleep by 9pm and sleeps until 5 or 6am, sometimes later!

Her surgery is one month from tomorrow. I haven't started worrying about it yet, but I know I'll be shit scared.

Child care

2010-06-02T04:30:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, I went driving around Mudgeeraba looking for a C&K child care centre that I knew was around there somewhere, with the intention of speaking to the staff about putting Jimmy into daycare next year for a couple of days a week.

For some reason, the centre wasn't on the street that the website said it was. On my way back home, I spotted a Montessori one and thought, "What the heck? I may as well have a look". I emerged 45 mintues later, not only having decided that this was the centre for us, but that I would like to send Jimmy right now, and not next year as I'd originally planned.

The staff were fantastic, and watching them interact with the children was really interesting. It was great to observe the children being responsible for everything from washing their own cup (even the tiny toddlers) to putting their 'work' back to where they got it from.

Over the next couple of weeks, Jimmy and I visited 3 times. The first time, we stayed for about 40 minutes. He had some play time outside and as is his way, he did his own thing and didn't really pay any attention to the other children. Then it was time for morning tea. He finished his before everybody else and then decided it was time to get off his chair. The teacher told him that he needed to sit at the table until his friends had finished and he wasn't too happy about that! Afterwards, the teacher showed him how to wash his cup, which he enjoyed. Then it was 'circle time'- sitting in a circle and singing songs, talking about colours, numbers, etc.

The second time he was in a bit of a funny mood. I stayed outside with him for a while then went inside and watched him from behind the glass door. I thought things were going great until he looked up and realised I wasn't with him...the next thing I knew, a red, distressed face was pressed up against the door, crying, "Want a mummy cuddlllllllllle!" :( That was the end of that visit.

The third time, I set him up with an activity outside and told the teacher I was going nextdoor to Aldi. I gave Jimmy a kiss and he started crying as soon as I walked away. The teacher picked him up and walked around with him. As I walked to Aldi, I looked through the fence and saw he was still in her arms. I came back ten minutes later and he was sitting in the lap of another teacher, sobbing "Mummy, I want mummy." I ran to him and scooped him up and hugged him so hard.

The week after that I had planned to go for another visit, but suddenly I decided that neither he nor I are ready for this. Everyone has been telling me, "Oh, they all cry, but they get used to it." Well, I'm not ready to 'force' him to get used to it. In my opinion, he is too little and too attached to his mummy. I don't NEED to send him. I only wanted to send him because Elizabeth takes up so much of my time and I feel really bad that Jimmy has to just bum around watching TV or playing on his own for most of the day. Thankfully, E seems to be getting less needy, and I've been making an effort to go to playdates and take Jimmy oustide at least twice a day.

In a couple of months, we will go back to the centre and have a few more visits and then see what happens.

Title-less

2010-05-31T03:13:00.000-07:00

Had a pretty good day today. I managed to get two loads of washing done by 9:30 and had a couple of plays outside with Jimmy before a good friend turned up with her little boy. I haven't seen them for quite a while so it was great to catch up. She spoiled us rotten- yummy chockies and a bunch of lillies for me, a balloon and wooden puzzle for Jimmy, and a beautiful Seed cardi and hair clip for Elizabeth. The boys played together really well and it was lovely to sit out on the deck. I really do love the Gold Coast at this time of the year, and have vowed to spend more time outside, even if our backyard does resemble Darwin after it was hit by Cyclone Tracy.

In other news, I went out on Friday night. On the town. Yes, you read correctly.
The Broadbeach Blues Festival was on over the weekend and my good friend A asked if I wanted to go with her. I almost piked out because I was feeling sorry for myself, and I'm so glad I didn't.
It was nice to tart myself up and break in my brand new leather boots.
We walked around Broadbeach listening to all the bands and found a great one in a tiny little club that was absolutely packed full of people. It was an 8-piece band complete with tumpet, sax and harmonica. We couldn't see the singer over everyone's heads as he was sitting at the keyboard, but he had an awesome blues voice. When he stood up at the end his identity was revealed- Wiley Reed. He's quite a big name in Australian blues and I feel very priveleged to have seen him play. The poor old dear was attached to his dialysis machine for the whole gig. Now that's dedication to one's art!

I had a chat to the bassist and saxophonist. It was really good to talk music instead of babies for a change! The sax player thought I was trying to chat him up until he realised I knew what I was talking about.

Elizabeth has been a very happy little girl today. She has suddenly (in the last 5 or so days) started smiling heaps and making adorable cooing noises. She is so beautiful!

I have decided that after E's facial surgery, I am going to dedicate myself to establishing breastfeeding. I know it will be very hard, but I owe it to myself and my daughter to give it a good Aussie go. I'm thinking I might enlist the help of a private lactation consultant. I've tried feeding E a couple of times but she isn't really interested. I feel guilty that I didn't persevere in those first few weeks, but at the time I was focussing on getting her bulked up and it was just easier to feed her expressed milk.

Gotta go now, Desperate Housewives is on!

No whinging today

2010-05-26T04:23:00.000-07:00

I have had some fairly serious stuff going on in my life for the last couple of days, but writing about it will take a year so I'm just going to tell you about my day.

First of all, today is what would have been my dad's 70th birthday. What a huge party he would have had. I have been searching like crazy for a photo taken at his 60th party of him, my sister and I but I can't find it anywhere. He looks so happy and healthy in it. I will have to find it and frame it because that is the way I want to remember him, not as the weak old man cruelly struck down by cancer at 65 years of age. It's quite scary how quickly an illness can age someone.

Today I dropped the kids of at the in-laws' house and headed off to Robina Town Centre with strict instructions to take my time and not hurry back. I got a haircut, posted a package, banked a cheque, had a coffee and two enormous scones with jam and cream, and did the grocery shopping. On the way to Woolworths I decided to look in a shoe store and saw some really nice brown boots that were on sale. I went inside to ask for my size and then spotted another (more expensive) pair and thought I may as well try them on too. I decided to buy the more expensive ones because I've never had leather boots and figure I deserve them. I've never spent that much on shoes ($160 marked down to $96) and I felt kind of guilty, but then I remembered that DH always tells me to buy whatever I want and I never do. So there. I bought leather boots and they're hot and I can't wait to wear them with my skinny jeans.

After I picked up the kids, I came home and put Jimmy to bed, gave E a bottle and popped her in the swing,and had a nice bowl of soup that my MIL made for me. My god, that woman is a life saver. Then I did heaps of housework and even had time to sort out and take photos of baby clothes to sell. It was a good day.

Update

2010-05-04T03:42:00.000-07:00

As you could probably tell, I wasn't in a great place when I last posted. I'm pleased to report that things are much better, today anyway.

Having an extremely unsettled baby makes a mum feel like she's on an emotional roller coaster. Some days I just feel so helpless and frustrated that I have terrible thoughts...like giving E back to the hospital and other things that make me feel really ashamed. And then other days are great- she'll gaze up at me and make cute little noises and kick her legs around and just be so cute that my heart feels like it will burst.

I've been very impatient with Jimmy and my stepdaughter and I feel crap about it so I have to make a conscious effort to chill out. It doesn't help that Jimmy is recovering from croup and has been fairly miserable.

We met Elizabeth's surgeon a couple of weeks ago and her operation is scheduled for the 6th of July. I'm not really nervous yet but I know I will be. The surgeon was really nice and didn't speak to us in 'medicalish' which was good. We were happy to find out that E won'tneed the 2nd operation, the palate repair, since her palate cleft really only goes through her gum. She will need a bone graft when she's 8-10 years old.

Today we went to see an orthodontist at the Royal Children's Hospital to find out about having E fitted with a plate, on the surgeon's advice. The lady was really nice and gave us heaps of information and we all decided that having a plate would be very benficial for our daughter. She had to have a mould made and handled it really well, even when the first one didn't work and it had to be done again. The plate is being made this week and she's having it fitted next Tuesday. I hope that the plate doesn't bother her too much.

Home alone

2010-04-25T01:15:00.000-07:00

I'm home alone tonight for the first time without my two kids.

We were supposed to be going to the IL's for dinner tonight. Elizabeth screamed non stop from the time we got home from Cohen's party at 2:30 until 5pm. DH came inside from working on the deck and took her and I just lay on the couch feeling completely and utterly drained. At 5:30 he told me I needed to hurry up and get ready and I told him I wasn't going. He told me to stop being stupid and to go wash my face and wake up. This went on for a while and I finally looked him in the eye and said, "I. Am. Not. Going." He said "So you're just going to stay here and listen to E scream the whole time?" and I said "Why would she have to stay here?" So he told me to pack the nappy bag.

I feel like a terrible mother but I just need a break from the screaming, even if only for an hour. The last thing I feel like doing is going over to the IL's and trying not to burst into tears when they ask me why I'm so quiet.

I'm so completely and utterly exhausted. I'm fading away to skin and bone- when I lie down in bed, my hip bones stick out hideously. I wear loose-fitting tops so that people don't go on about how skinny I am. To quote Bilbo Baggins from The Lord of The Rings, I feel like butter that's been spread over too much bread.

Pics

2010-04-06T04:53:00.000-07:00

Cubby house. Jimmy made it by himself with no coercion from me- pretty clever I thought. Love the pose!

Enjoying a sausage at the Mac family Easter Saturday BBQ brunch in Kingscliff.

Tree climbing. MIL naturally almost had a heart attack.

Modelling today's op shop find and his fave shoes.

My beautiful girl.

Happy birthday to my beautiful boy

2010-03-28T03:31:00.000-07:00

Jimmy turned 2 on Wednesday.

I can't believe how quickly those two years have gone, and how much light and laughter he has brought to our lives. He is the funniest little kid I have ever seen, and so loveable. He adores his sisters and cries of "Wake up, Tiffy!" and "Hello, Lizzie!" are heard every day. I feel so much love for him that I think my heart will burst.

From us, he got an easel, a wooden cube puzzle, 2 pairs of shoes, and a pair of pants with cool owl fabric detail and matching applique t-shirt which I made for him.

Today we had a little party for him. I called it a Clayton's party- the party you have when you're not having a party. Basically I invited a few friends to the Botanic Gardens and asked them to bring food, so all we had to do was make a cake and turn up. Easy! It was a great day. He loved his dinosaur cake, which I baked and Daddy decorated. He got some really lovely presents from his friends.

This morning he did his first poo on the potty- with no prompting at all from us! He said, "Potty gone?" and I told him where it was, he sat on it and when he got up there was a lovely Mr Hankey in it! Much excitement and slapping of high fives ensued, and I took a photo of him standing next to the potty (which I'm not going to post- I'm sure no-one else wants to look at his poo!). My little boy is growing up!

2010-03-22T18:41:00.000-07:00

What you lookin' at, punk?

5 weeks old.

Milk drunk.

My cheeky almost-two-year-old monkey.

Hello, long neglected blog

2010-03-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

I've really not felt like blogging lately.

I'm quite surprised by how difficult I have found being a mum to two kids under two. I guess it doesn't help that Elizabeth suffers terribly from wind and cries whenever she is awake, and that I still have to be a mum to my stepdaughter, because her mum sure as hell isn't going to.

I have had some really, really rough days. I had two complete meltdowns in less than a week, with one resulting in DH having to come home from work early. I've also gone berserk at T a few times.
Some days I feel like I'm just walking around in a daze. I feel terrible that Elizabeth is in pain and I can't do anything about it. I also feel that I need to harden up and stop whinging- plenty of people have more than 2 kids, and they cope fine! What's wrong with me? Oh and to add fuel to the fire, I've developed mastitis overnight so I feel like I've been hit by a truck. Thank god for my fantastic MIL who came over to do the laundry and watch the kids while I went to the doctor.

I really hate bottle feeding. Which is unfortunate, because that's the path we have to walk with Elizabeth. I find it so tedious and impersonal. I hate worrying about having enough bottles and teats, and getting up in the middle of the night to heat up bottles. The expressing doesn't worry me at all- it's easy with the great pump I have, and my body is producing litres of milk.

On a positive note, Elizabeth is growing before our very eyes. She is plumping up nicely on my lovely milk. I estimate that she is well over 3 kilos now; I'll take her to the CHN on Wednesday to get her weighed.

She really is the light of our lives. Everyone who meets her falls in love with her and I totally understand why. She has been spoiled with countless gifts, and already has a wardrobe to rival mine. She is just so tiny and precious, with the deepest blue eyes. Her brother and sister are completely smitten with her. Jimmy loves seeing her and gives her lots of kisses and says, "Hello Lizzie!"

Jimmy continues to make us laugh every day. He really is such a little comedian. His favourite sayings at the moment are "Stupid man", "See ya sucker", "Next time", "ABCD", "Number six", and many others. He loves talking, riding his trike around the house, colouring with his crayons, playing rough and tumble, running races, the Humpty Dumpty song, and reading. He is such a joy to be around and I can't believe that he will be two years old next week...my baby is growing up!

Birth story- part 2

2010-02-21T02:04:00.000-08:00

So we headed off to hospital, and typically got every single red light on the way. I had two enormously painful contractions on the way there and it was so uncomfortable to deal with the pain in the car- the best I could do was to push my body upwards whilst pushing down on the seat.

We parked right out the front of the hospital. It was about 5:45am. DH mentioned that he'd better remember to go back down and put money in the meter just before 9:00. funny how we both thought we had hours ahead of us...

We walked up the driveway and I had another huge contraction. A guy standing around having a ciggie shouted over if we wanted a wheelchair and we said no thanks. We got in the lift and I realised I'd done the same thing I did when having Jimmy- forgot to find out what floor the delivery suite was on! I said I thought it was the 4th floor, so we went there. Nope, no delivery suite. Hmmm, maybe the 5th floor? Nope. Try the 6th floor. Wrong! Then I had a sudden brainwave and remebered it was on the 3rd floor. We were all cracking up- it was hilarious and so typical of me.

Got to the delivery suite and buzzed the buzzer. It took about 5 minutes for a midwife to come out, during which time I had another very intense contraction. The midwife took us into our room and I had a seat but felt very restless. Then the lady who was to be our midwife came in and introduced herself. Her name was Rosemary and she was about my mum's age and had the loveliest persona. She was bubbly, enthusiastic, supportive and caring. She was great with Tiffany and kept cracking jokes. I knew that I would have no problem with her following my birth plan, which included the following stipulations underlined in capital letters, just so there would be no mistaking my wishes:

NO FOETAL HEART MONITORING
NO INTERNAL EXAMINATIONS
NATURAL DELIVERY OF THE PLACENTA

She'd had a look at my file, and noted that Jimmy's birth was quite fast. She asked me what kind of pain relief I'd used last time and I said the shower was all I used, so she suggested I go jump in the shower, which I did. I stayed in for about 20-30 minutes, gradually making the water hotter and hotter until it was almost boiling. It felt sooooooooo gooooooooood. With each contraction, I leaned over on the big ball. By the end of my shower I was feeling hot and weak- I think I'd had the water a little too hot. So I got out and laid on the bed completely starkers and tried to sleep. I noticed that my contractions had become a bit further apart and was starting to get worried...what if I still had hours to go? I wasn't sure if I could stick to my guns and not have any pain relief if that was going to be the case. The pain was really intense and I remember thinking, "WHY am I doing this again???" The midwife measured the baby's heartrate with a Doppler and announced that she thought I was having a girl.

The back of the bed was up and I was lying on my left side, trying to cool down and rest. When I had a contraction, I turned around to face the back of the bed and moaned and groaned. I think I had about one or two more contractions facing the back of the bed, then I laid on my right side, feeling exhausted.

My contractions were still quite far apart. With the next one, I suddenly felt the urge to push, which shocked me. I thought I must have been imagining it, but the midwife said, "We're having a baby!" and ran outside to get another midwife. I pushed with all my might (still lying on my side) and my daughter's tiny head came out. I literally could not believe it. I was so excited! There was a huge break before the next contraction- it felt like we waited forever. It finally came and I gave what felt like the tiniest push and she came out. I was so excited that I had my baby, and so amazed at how tiny she was, that I forgot to ask what the sex was. The midwife said, "What have you got? It's a girl!"

...to be continued again!

Our sweetheart is here!

2010-02-17T02:44:00.000-08:00

It's funny to read my last post, which was written only hours before I felt those first twinges that told me our baby was on her way! I had a funny feeling all week but pushed it to the back of my mind. Just goes to show that your gut feeling is usually right.

On Friday night, as I'd written in my previous post, I wasn't feeling particularly great. Our nextdoor neighbours were having a loud 18th birthday party, and I felt tired but somehow ill at ease. I put it down to the diarrhea and general ugh-ness I'd been feeling all week. I fell asleep at 9:30 and was woken at 10 by T and DH when they came through from the games room talking really loudly. I was not impressed. It took me ages to get back to sleep.

I woke around 1-1:30am and had a really wierd, tight feeling in my abdomen. I really felt like I needed to pee, so I got up and peed. When I went back to bed, my bladder still felt full so I went again then went back to sleep.

I can vaguely remember being woken two or three times by strange sensations in my abdomen. After a while, I thought that I needed to do a poo because I was feeling a bit crampy, and tried to sleep through it to no avail. I probably went and peed about 7 times between 1:30 and 3am.

Somewhere in all of this, I started thinking, "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if I was in labour?" However, as the minutes ticked by, it was not seeming such a silly conclusion for me to jump to. The funny feeling became lower back pain. At about 4am I felt that I needed to poo so I went out into the main bathroom (so as not to wake DH) and experienced what I can only describe as my body 'purging' itself. I didn't feel the relief that I thought it would bring and went back again 10 minutes later. This time, there was a definite sign that I was indeed in labour, or at least pre-labour- my mucous plug. I remember just looking at it and feeling very excited.

I went back into the bedroom and DH stirred as I opened the door. He sleepily said, "Are you okay, baby?" I said, "I don't want to scare you, but we're having a baby". He said, "Really? Are you sure?" and I said yes. Then I snuggled down into his arms and he said, "Can't you wait two weeks?" Honestly!!! We tried to go back to sleep but I was too excited, so I decided to get up and start my day. I logged on to Facebook and wrote on my status: "Noelle thinks today is a good day to have a baby". Haha! Then DH came out and said he couldn't go back to sleep, and that we should probably call his parents so they could come over and watch the kids while we went to the hospital. I told him to chill out; we had heaps of time. I started making sure I had everything packed in my bags, while my contractions were becoming more frequent.

Just before 5am, I had 3 contractions within the space of 10 minutes, and I told DH to call his parents. He told them not to be in too much of a hurry, as I thought we still had a couple more hours at home. He asked me if I wanted to wake T up and take her with us. We'd never discussed having her at the birth, although I'd thought about it, and I thought it was a great idea. So I went and sat on her bed, and as she woke up, I had an intense contraction that had me bending over the bed. She was looking at me like I was a complete loony. When it was over, I said, "Do you want to come to the hospital?" Half asleep, she said, "What? Why?" "Because the baby is coming today," I said. She was a bit confused and it took her about 10 seconds to wake up enough to realise I wasn't joking. "Yeah!" she said. so I told her to chuck on some clothes.

Within the space of about 10 minutes, my contractions went from being mild enough for me to remain standing through them, to reducing me to my hands and knees on the floor. I heard Jimmy waking up around 5:15 so I bounded in to his room and gave him heaps of cuddles and kisses and told him excitedly that the baby was coming. He was really excited by the atmosphere surrounding him, tearing around the house on his trike like a madman. By the time the inlaws arrived around 5:20, my contractions were hard, fast and with little respite in between. I had to find time between them to write down the names and phone numbers of all my students who were going to turn up for a lesson that morning so that MIL could call them and tell them not to come, as well as making sure I had everything I needed in my bags.

We hurried out the door around 5:30. The inlaws and Jimmy waved us off from the driveway. I gave Jimmy the biggest cuddle I could manage and teared up as I realised he would never be my only child again. I told him I loved him and the next time I saw him, he'd be a big brother. He waved as we pulled away, saying "See ya later!".

...to be continued.

Feeling crappy (pun intended)

2010-02-12T01:46:00.000-08:00

Blergh.

That's how I'd describe how I feel this week.

On Sunday I had the runs all day...5 times in fact. For no apparent reason. So I scared DH by telling him that it can be a sign of imminent labour. He was freaking out and saying, "No! You can't have the baby yet- it's too busy at work!" His work has seriously been crazy this week, and typically, he has had a bad case of pharyngitis this week which has made it the week from hell.

I started feeling pharyngitis-y on Wednesday. It hasn't progressed from my throat but I have been feeling so very weak, tired and nauseas (sp). Today I had to get MIL to come watch Jimmy while I slept...at 9am. How sad is that? I just feel like I've been hit by a bus. Plus today I had the trots again...twice. *Sigh*

I realised today that my due date is only 3 weeks away. My original due date was the 22nd of Feb, and I still believe that McBean will arrive closer to that date. I really am getting close now!

Here are some pictures to prove it.

The rain, it poureth down...

2010-02-09T02:00:00.000-08:00

It rained A LOT on the weekend. So much so that boats were swept under bridges on the Coomera River and got stuck there!

This is the view I woke up to on Sunday morning. That's a park behind our house, and there is a footpath leading to the little bridge. The footpath has never been covered with rain in the 4 years we've lived here, and we have had some heavy rain in that time!

There were 2 black swans swimming on the 'lake' in the afternoon! Hilarious.

Jimmy and I had a great rainy walk late in the morning. We found some awesome puddles for him to splash in. In fact, when we got home, his gumboots were full of water.

Some creations

2010-02-07T03:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I've finished my change mat and filled the nappy bag with all of McBean's stuff ready for hospital! Here are the pics as promised.

The change mat and bag. I never, ever want to sew with bias tape again...unless someone gives me some tips on making it look not-retarded!

I think the change mat is a little on the short and skinny side. The one that I made for my friend's baby shower last week I made wider and it turned out a better size.

I think the two fabrics are so gorgeous!

I modified the bag quite a bit. The front pocket was just supposed to be open, and I added a zip. I still suck at zips but I'm getting there!

All of the pockets were suppoesed to be single layer, but I lined them for durability. I also used a snap instead of velcro on the tab, and put some snaps on the big inside pocket.

The bag is enormous, which is just what I wanted. My current nappy bag is always bulging with crap (maybe I have too much crap?). I would like it to be a bit sturdier. I used quite a heavy interfacing on the front, back and side panels but I think it needs something with a bit more substance.

Another project I've been working on- a handmade nappy/clothing swap on Bubhub forum. My recipient has a baby girl and a boy Jimmy's age. I decided to make a pair of long pants for the boy and a nappy for the girl. I really love the Honeyboy! nappy pattern, and wanted to try a small side-snapping one. I did a test run first and this was the result. It will be McBean's.

I love love LOVE dot minky! I got some cool green snaps last week and they look groovy.

I love this frog microchamois fabric- it's too cute! I really need to learn how to overlock properly, though, because as you can see, I'm not great at it.

This is the swap nappy. I decided to be tricky and use 2 fabrics for the outer. It was actually quite easy! I love the look of the lilac snaps on the white dot minky.

Boooorrrrrrringgggggg....

2010-02-02T02:13:00.000-08:00

Not much happening here. I have itchy fingers so thought I might blog, even though I have nothing remotely interesting to say.

What have we been up to?

On Saturday the kids and I went to a friend's baby shower. It was the fanciest, nicest one I've ever been to (not that I've been to that many!). Her mum did a great job organising beautiful little bite-sizes morsels of food, and there were fun games. The only downer was that I sat on the floor the whole time...I can't believe that in a room FULL of women (30-40 I guess) not one of them offered me a seat! The mum-to-be loved the change mat I made for her bub.DH and T went to the football that night so I did some sewing.

I can't remember what we did on Sunday, so it must have been boring...oh yeah, T's eldest brother came over to test drive my little white car, and is buying it. Woohoo for that! I'm so glad. It means I'm one step closer to getting my roof restoration!

I've been doing a fair bit of sewing. Today Jimmy slept for THREE AND A HALF HOURS!!!! and I finished my nappy bag. the last part was an absolute bitch so I made up my own
(read: dodgy) method of finishing it, but it still looks fantastic. I will post pics once I've done the matching change mat.

I'm still pregnant, and still have ages to go. Ho-hum.

Pictures...

2010-01-27T02:56:00.000-08:00

...because I can't be bothered writing a post!

Chickens.

Baby goats.

34-week belly.

Painting with big sis.

Groovin'.

Sliding fun at McIntosh Island park.

Sunday drive

2010-01-17T02:32:00.001-08:00

Today DH was in the mood to hang around at home, but I nagged him and reminded him how much happier we all are when we actually DO STUFF, so we decided to head to O'Reilly's.

Lunch packed, we headed off around 10:30. At about 11:45, DH noticed that we were driving on a bit of road we'd never seen before...he took a wrong turn. The turn we missed was 30 minutes back the way we'd come, so we decided to keep going and head for the Border Ranges National Park in northern NSW. T had a bit of a tantrum because she wanted to go to O'Reilly's and was being quite unreasonable about it but she soon got over it.

We arrived at the national park around 12:30 and stopped at the first lookout/rest stop we came across. It was really, really hot, but luckily it was not too bad at the picnic tables. We lunched and then headed onward.

It was a beautiful drive. It was so interesting to see the vegetation change and become more tropical as we entered the rainforest. The temperature difference in there was incredible- 23 degrees compared to 33 when we first entered the park!

We went for a short walk to a magnificent lookout (the one in the pictures). The lookout was amazing- it was built on a razor sharp ridge that jutted out of the range (the ridge was seriously only about 2 metres wide!).

It was a great drive and the kids had fun, even if we were in the car for 95% of the time. Jimmy is such a great little traveller. He had a couple of naps and spent the rest of the time playing with his sister and looking out the window.

Pregnancy update

2010-01-11T03:37:00.000-08:00

I'm 32ish weeks now.

I really can't believe I have ONLY been pregnant for this long- it feels like an eternity! It's not that I haven't enjoyed being pregnant- far from it, actually. I'm feeling great physically. I've been getting up between 5:30 and 6:30 every morning, walking with Jimmy and the dog, then eating a very healthy breakfast of muesli with LSA, pepitas, sunflower seeds, homemade yoghurt and fresh fruit on top. Yummo! I don't get tired at all, in fact I have to force myself to go to bed at 10pm because I want to get a good night's sleep. My feet haven't been sore, I've had no heartburn, no crippling nighttime leg cramps, no nausea.

I have, however, been quite cranky and emotional. I am blaming it all on wanting to have a break from my stepdaughter. I don't know if that is actually the reason, or if my hormones are just messing with my brain. All I know is that I can't wait for school to start again.

McBean is moving heaps (as I type these words!) and seems to be lying in an oblique position. My doctor furrowed his brow when he confirmed this last week. He said something along the lines of "There's nothing to be concerned about just now- we'll keep an eye on it". I just shrugged my shoulders and said that there's plenty of time, and that Jimmy was exactly the same. I remember how worried I was last time that I would need a caesarean if Jimmy didn't turn...now, I couldn't care less. For me to consent to a caesarean, my life or that of my baby would have to be in grave danger. Sorry, but to me a breech birth is not something to worry about.

I've started washing all of the teeny tiny little nappies. I might make a few more if I have time after I've finished all the other projects on my to-do list. Tonight I cut out my pattern pieces for a nappy bag I'm going to make. I got the most gorgeous fabrics from Spotlight yesterday and I think it's going to look amazing.

I have an appointment at the hospital next Monday. I don't even know what it's for. I think I might be having a scan or something? Meh.

It kind of saddens me that this may well be my last pregnancy (unless we win Lotto and can afford to extend our house which, considering I've never played Lotto in my life, is about as likely to happen as the Pope converting to Judaism). I just love everything about pregnancy- the ripeness of my body, the kind smiles from strangers, being fussed over, the amazing feeling of the baby moving around inside me....ah, bliss.

I always wanted 3 children, but decided I only wanted 2 when I met DH. I think I would probably feel differently if T didn't live here. But who knows? I may change my mind. DH has mentioned a few times that he wants another one, which surprised me heaps!

The beach

2010-01-10T03:03:00.000-08:00

T's eldest brother took her fishing today and it was very hot so we decided to head down to the beach in the afternoon.

We took our new sun shelter and used it for the first time. It's awesome! It's so big and lovely to sit in. I relaxed in it for a couple of minutes while DH went for a swim and Jimmy played in the sand at the entrance to the shelter.
Whilst I was sitting there, I indulged in one of my favourite pastimes of people watching. There were so many beautiful, golden bodies lying in the sun. I thought back to 10 years ago when I desperately wanted to be one of those people, and would fry myself in the sun in a vain (double meaning there!) attempt to get a tan. It never worked- I have my Dad's pale skin. Now, I look at those people and feel sorry for them- that they put their own vanity before their good health. I don't really understand how people can roast themselves all day when we live in the skin cancer capital of the world. I made a comment to DH about how brown and glamourous everyone was, and how white and pasty I am, but that I'd rather be alive and unattractive than good looking and dead at 50. Of course, he told me that I'm beautiful anyway. :0)

Anyway, I took Jimmy down to the water but he was very scared of the waves, so we looked for rocks to put in his bucket. After DH came ashore, I went in the water and had a ball. I didn't want to go back in! The waves were a bit rough but I had fun diving beneath them.

After my swim, we all played in the sand for about half an hour. Jimmy had so much fun trashing everything that his dad painstakingly constructed. Then we both had another turn of going in the surf, which was really rough and quite unpleasant by this stage, so we didn't last very long. Then we packed up and headed home. Jimmy talked about it all the way home..."Beach. Water. Rocks. Santa (sand)." Another great afternoon at the beach.

Jimmy

2010-01-08T01:59:00.000-08:00

Just thought I'd write down what Jimmy is up to at the moment, so I can look back and think "Those were the days!".

Sayings:

"Kiss!" This is proclaimed every time he slightly hurts any part of his body. He will either hold out the part that is in need of said kiss, or tell me ('noggin', 'foot', etc). It really is too cute for words.

"Go away". He knows he is not allowed to say this, and when he does, he gives me a sly sideways look. Sometimes he whispers it. Nearly every morning I hear him chanting "Go away, go away, go away" over and over in his bedroom where he thinks we can't hear him, while we listen in our room through the monitor and giggle.

"Flew away". This goes back about a month to when we spotted a dove's nest in our spiky plant outside the laundry with two eggs in it. We observed it closely for about a week, then noticed the mother hadn't been there for a while. So for the last 3 weeks, every time we go out the back door, he talks about it..."Happent?" (What happened); "Mummy. Baby. Eggs. Nets (nest)". "Flewway".

"Gone". He talks about everything interesting that we have seen and is now gone. "Bunny, gone. Box. Side." (Baby rabbit we found across the road which we put in a box- 2 months ago). "Balloon, gone. One, two." (Two hot air balloons we saw on our walk a month ago). The list goes on and on.

"Pinkonk. Macca. Daisy. Train. Bike. Piggle." Obviously he's a fan of In The Night Garden.

Favourite things to do

Walk around with his umbrella
Play rough-n-tumble with Daddy
Eat
Pull things out of drawers
Cuddle his Taggie and Roadkill Teddy
Go outside
Pick flowers
Play Duplo

Favourite foods

Anything, but mainly-
Fruit- mango, nectarine, orange, banana, pineapple, watermelon ('lemon'), apple
Lollies (dried fruit)
Mrs Flannery's Green Peaz
Cruskits
Peanut butter
Pasta, especially Spag Bol
Curry with pappadams ('pappuns')
Yoghurt
Milk
Vegemite
Baked beans
Tinned spaghetti ('betty')
Cheese

A great afternoon

2010-01-04T03:52:00.000-08:00

Today was pretty miserable- overcast, dark and with the constant threat of rain. However, after lunch we decided to head down to the beach because T was desperate to try out her new boogie board.

We went to North Burleigh beach and it was very, very windy! Jimmy and I played in the sand whilst T and her dad tried to fly the kite. It took a while to get it up, but boy, once it was up it stayed up!

After about 20 minutes of kite-flying, we headed over to the flagged area so T could go boarding. Jimmy and I had a great time collecting small, dark stones in his bucket before he decided he wanted to go into the water. Swimming gear donned, he joined his dad and big sister and had an absolute ball, laughing hysterically the entire time until about 20 minutes later when he got knocked over by a wave, then dumped by another one before he had time to get up. He had a bit of a cry but some cuddles soon dried the tears.After about an hour on the beach, we decided to head off the sand and up to the park. The kids had a play with their dad whilst he berated a selfish smoker who was standing 2 meters from a bin but still felt the need to throw his stinky butt on the ground. Grrrr. Then T climbed a 'doodle tree' and Jimmy stared into the branches, absolutely enchanted (by his sister being in the tree, not the 'doodles' growing off it!).
We then drove down the road a piece to Burleigh town and all got icecream. I actually let Jimmy have his very own! He got a single scoop of mango sorbet in a cup and he loved it. After we finished our icecreams we walked across the road to the beach and looked at the scenery while T played on the playground, then headed home.

It was such a simple way to spend the afternoon, but so nice and so much fun. We tend to fall into the habit of staying home all the time- DH will either do his modelling, go on his computer or do stuff in the garage or in the yard, and Tiff and I will just faff around, so it was really good to do some 'family' stuff together. I told DH I really want us to make a conscientious effort to make every Sunday a family day (today isn't Sunday, but meh!). Otherwise, before we know it, all the kids will be grown up and we'll regret not taking time to live life.

Not much to report...

2010-01-03T03:27:00.000-08:00

DH has his last day of holidays tomorrow, and it has rained pretty much every day of his holidays, so we didn't get to go to the beach once. Bummer.

On the upside, it's lovely to see everything looking verdant and full of life, as opposed to brown, cracked and dry as it has been for the longest time.

New Year's Eve was good fun- we were invited across the road to T's friend's house. Her parents are really cool and it was good to get to know them better. The kids all had a ball and T was very excited that she got to stay up until midnight. I managed to stay up despite being woken at 4:45 by a certain someone. Then that certain someone had a terrible sleep on NYE after we got home, waking 4 times between 12:30am and 3:30am. Sigh. Suffice it to say, I was very tired on New Year's Day!

T went to her mum's late on NYD and we didn't do too much on the weekend. Jimmy is feeling decidely under the weather with a sore throat and has been verrrrrry grumpy, so we've been trying to keep him entertained all weekend.

This afternoon I decided we should go for a 'rainy walk'- something I absolutely loved doing as a kid. So we donned our (fake) Crocs (not having any gumboots) and an umbrella each, and with T's raincoat over my arm 'just in case', we headed off down the path that runs next to the wetlands across the road.

On the way, Jimmy was content to hold my hand whilst holding his umbrella in the other hand, looking around at all the waterbirds. We went past our German neighbours' house and they were sitting out on their undercover area. Wolfgang leaned over the balcony and greeted us and said something about how far it was for Jimmy to walk. We turned back after about 10 minutes of very slow walking and I decided to put the raincoat on Jimmy so he could ditch the umbrella. Well, didn't he have a ball. He was running along the path as fast as he could, and then we got to a really deep puddle (about 10cm) which he delighted in running through- again, and again, and again. The last time he went a bit too fast and fell over-oops! A few tears and then I distracted him by challenging him to a running race.

I wish I'd taken my camera! DH took some pics of us in the backyard when we got back.

Christmas

2009-12-27T02:41:00.001-08:00

Our morning began at 6:30 with T knocking on our bedroom door. She went in and got Jimmy and they both oohed and ahhed over the presents next to the tree, wrapped in fabric or recycled Xmas wrap and placed on Jimmy's new Lego table that his daddy made for him the other day as a last-minute gift.

Unwrapping followed very soon after. T had to do most (well, all) of her brother's unwrapping since he was more interested in bits of cardboard. T got a handmade hat, 2 sewing patterns, 4 Lego sets (her dad sneakily bought 2 more just before Xmas), a game for her DS, a 'bling' kit for her DS, a top and a pair of denim shorts. Jimmy got a handmade hat and matching shorts, a book (Hello Baby), 2 Duplo sets, a blow-up paddling pool, and the piece de la resistance, the lego table.
I got a fantastic Donna Hay cookbook, a chain with a locket, and a subscription to Ottobre magazine (which I bought myself). DH got a bottle of Eternity and a Star Wars lego set.

DH went into the kitchen and started making funny noises. Upon entering the kitchen, I was greeted by the sight of a very large number of ants crawling all over, in, through, and under the 3 meringues I had spent hours baking the previous day. Arghhhhhh! So instead of finishing off my croquembouche wreath like I'd planned, I had to remake the bloody meringue discs. I was very annoyed because I like cooking on my own equipment, and I knew that the toffee would be bloody hard, especially on my MIL's temperamental cooktop.

Meringues made, we headed off to the IL's. The kids jumped into Granddad's present and we wheeled it to the front door- he loved it!

Opened more presents. Jimmy got a wooden helicopter ('cotter') and a wooden car track with two cute cars. T got a fantastic sewing basket that her Gran lined and filled with all manner of things crafty.
I got a dress and a 3CD compilation of lady jazz singers. DH got Lego Indiana Jones 2 for his Xbox.

After presents, Jimmy went down for a nap and I got my ass into the kitchen. Toffee, take 1: I put in the exact amounts of sugar and water stated on the recipe, and after heating it for 25 minutes (it said 8 mintutes) it still hadn't changed colour or thickened AT ALL. Take 2: DH had a go. His got a little thicker but it wasn't toffee-coloured but clear. Oh well. They still looked pretty good, and the creme pattissiere inside the puffs was to die for. Then I assemble my raspberry dacquoise and it looked super sweet.

My family arrived around midday. More presents. Jimmy got really cute Hawaiian print boardies and a set of mini books from Nan, and a big bag of Mega Bloks from Auntie. T got a dress and jewellery bag from Nan and a Hannah Montana boogie board from Auntie- wasn't she stoked with that!

We had some nibblies and finally sat down to lunch at 2:30. We had duck, ham and turkey, apple & potato bake, and steamed vegies in an Asian dressing. Yummo! My desserts were a hit.

Jimmy entertained everyone by running around like a madman (as he does). We left around 4pm to take T to her mum's house, where she received about 3 times the amount of presents that she had already gotten. A Nintendo DSi (why she needs one when she already has a DS, I don't know), an Ipod Touch, 5 DS games, 5 pairs of shoes, and the list goes on and on. DH, Jimmy and I went home then had a swim. All in all it was a great day.

Some more finished projects

2009-12-22T02:55:00.000-08:00

This is my favourite. I just love the fabrics! I did the singlet about a month ago, and my dumb machine doesn't do satin stitch, so I just zigzagged around the edge of the applique.
This one is for Jimmy's baby cousin. The Macs are Scottish so I thought I'd make a wee Scottish outfit. I used MIL's machine for the applique. It was really hard but I think it looks very cool. I'm going to make one for Jimmy's birthday, but I think I'll do a long-sleeved Tshirt and long pants made completely of tartan. Och aye the noo!

Finally, some information!

2009-12-21T03:19:00.000-08:00

We had our paediatric appointment at the hospital today.

It started off very well- we only had to wait for 10 mintues, as opposed to the 2 hours we were kept waiting last time. We were seen by one of the paediatricians, who talked to us about various issues such as where and when McBean's surgeries will take place; the different types of doctors we will deal with; feeding issues, and lots more. It was great to finally talk to someone who could give us some information about everything to do with clefts.

He left us after about 40 minutes and then the hospital's speech pathologist came and spoke to us. She discussed potential speech problems, othodontic/dental issues, and feeding. She was really nice, understanding and helpful.

The best part for us was finding out that all Gold Coast cleft patients are sent to either the Mater or the Royal Children's Hospital. We were hoping to go to one of the major hospitals, so that has put our minds at ease.

We are both feeling really positive after today. I am just so very impatient to meet our baby. I can't believe we have over 2 months to go! I wonder if it's a boy or girl??? I'm not-so-secretly hoping for a boy...I really need to stop saying that, because I don't want to be disappointed if it's a girl.

Big boy bed and more sewing

2009-12-13T01:27:00.000-08:00

Well, I've been telling DH for a few weeks that I'd like to move Jimmy out of his cot and into a bed so that he is used to it by the time McBean comes. Yesterday was the day that we decided to do it, so DH went and bought a mattress, cleaned the bed frame (which has been stored in various garages since he was still with T's mum) and put it together.

Unfortunately, once it was all put together and we tried to fit the bed rail that my friend loaned us, we discovered it didn't fit the bed due to the wooden frame that runs down the bed. We just decided to put a pillow on the edge of the bed and the cot mattress next to the bed in case of any accidents, and hoped for the best.

I went out to a friend's art show before Jimmy's bedtime and was hoping that everything would go fine. Hmmmmm....I got home at 9pm and DH told me that Jimmy had only just fallen asleep, after almost 2 hours of crying and DH lying down with him.

He woke up at 10:30, 12:30, 2:30 and 4:30. The first two times I had to lie with him for ages until he calmed down and fell asleep. The third time I changed his nappy and turned on his night light, and he fell asleep much quicker. The fourth time I just went, gave him a kiss and cuddle, and he fell asleep again. I think all up I got about 4 hours of sleep so I am verrrrry tired.

DH went to Bummings today and bought a big sheet of craftwood, drilled heaps of ventilation holes in it, and made a bed rail. It looks awesome, and so far, I think it has done the trick. I put Jimmy in bed about 20 minutes ago, read him a book, and said goodnight. He gave one tiny little tired cry that last for less than one second, and I haven't heard a peep from him since. Hopefully we will both have a good sleep tonight.

I finally got to do a bit of sewing yesterday. I finished off a pair of pants to go with the bucket hat I made for DH's cousin's younger son, and whipped up a pair of pyjamas for Jimmy. The pyjama fabric is sooooo cute- it has little dachsunds all over it and was a bargain at only $4/m. I put a dachsund-shaped applique on the singlet.

Some recent sewing creations

2009-12-03T02:10:00.001-08:00

I've been doing a fair bit of sewing of late, so I thought I'd post some pics.

Some Christmas presents:

A very kind lady sent me the PDF pattern for this fantastic bucket hat. It's reversible. This one is for T. It has blue denim on the other side.

This one is for David's cousin's 2yo son. It has black denim on the inside and I've nearly finished a matching pair of cargo shorts that are sooooo cool!

Hat and shorts for my wee man. I am so pleased with the result- they look awesome, if I do say so myself!

Some fairly dodgy-looking newborn fitted nappies. First time using my snap press and I had no idea where to put the snaps so kind of just guessed!

Two All-in-ones and a pocket. The pocket is KRAP. The white AIO turned out way better than the other one for some wierd reason.

A side-snapping AIO for Jimmy. This was my first attempt at a side-snapper and I'm really pleased with the result.

I still have to make a bucket hat for another little boy, and an outfit for Jimmy's new baby cousin.

It's gonna be a long, hot summer

2009-11-29T02:13:00.000-08:00

Today was soooo incredibly hot. I don't know what the temp was but I'd rate it as 'effing hot'. This summer is going to be very, very uncomfortable for me. I really love living here but I just hate the heat so much. I had to have a nanna nap this afternoon in the airconditioned bedroom because the heat just took it out of me so much.

I'm very excited about not having to go to work tomorrow, nor take T to school. Not that I'll get a sleep in- Jimmy has been waking between 5 and 5:30 every morning! This morning he woke at 5 and talked to himself for ages. I fell back to sleep then woke up at 6 to hear him getting a bit cranky. I hoped that DH would stir so that I could say, "Baaaaaaaaaaby, can I sleep in today?", but he kept sleeping, or did a bloody good job of pretending to. So I got up and we took Jasper for a walk. I can't believe how hot it was so early in the day. I have to admit that I am enjoying getting up so early because I hate wasting the day by sleeping in and it's good to get walking early. Hopefully by the time McBean arrives, Jasper will be at his goal weight of 35 kgs. He was 42 at his last weigh-in, and 47 at the one before that !!!

Here's a pic taken today of my belly- I swear it looks so much bigger when I look at it than in photos!

Musings

2009-11-27T03:06:00.000-08:00

My little baby is absolutely kicking the heck out of me! I think I'm about 26 weeks now and I don't remember feeling James move so much until quite a bit later. It's just so magical to feel my little one moving around and I just can't wait to meet him or her.

I went to see my GP on Tuesday and expressed my wish to have all of McBean's cleft appointments and surgeries done through the Royal Children's Hospital. Luckily my doctor totally rocks and has made some calls (he's good mates with the registrar there) so hopefully the ball will start rolling soon.

I want to go there for a few reasons. Firstly, our one and only experience with the paediatricians at the Gold Coast Hospital was disappointing to say the least. I birthed James there and I have no hesitation in having McBean there either, but the paed there left a bad taste in my mouth. I was speaking to the CEO of the orchestra the other night (who happens to be a placcy surgeon) and he said that most of the best facilites and doctors are to be found in captial cities' hospitals. Also, I met an amazing woman yesterday whose beautiful 11-week old daughter has a complete unilateral cleft lip and palate, and she is going through the RCH and told me it's fantastic.

I'm starting to think about what to write in my birth plan. Number one on the list is that I will not lie on my back for an hour whilst a heart monitor is strapped to me. That was seriously the worst part of my entire labour. I just hated the restriction and the 'unnaturalness' of it. I also want to have a natural 3rd stage (ie. deliver the placenta without them sticking a needle in my thigh) and I want a cloth nappy to be the first thing to touch my little McBean's bum! I know that I will have to tell DH that I am absolutely adamant about these things because he'll probably try and say something like "They know best".

Other stuff...

Jimmy is such an absolute joy. Every morning I hear him talking to himself (via the monitor) and when I go through to him he has the most beautiful smiles. There is a St Andrew's Cross spider encamped across his bedroom window and every time I change his nappy he points to it with glee and talks to it. He has about 70-80 words now, his favourites being 'bokent' (broken), 'gone' and 'Tippy' (Tiffany). Today we were picking Tiff up from school and even though her name had been called numerous times, we were still waiting...he was saying "Tippy...gone!" and putting his hands up in a shrug. Soooooo cute!

We were in this cool toy shop today where they have a train set for the kids to play with inside a little 'elf house'. He was peeking in through the window and making eyes at a pretty little girl about his age, then running inside, picking up a train, bringing it out to me with a look of absolute rapture on his face, then running back inside. He was so beautiful that I could have just cried there and then.

I kiss him about five million times a day. I always knew there was something missing from my life and that being a mum would completely and utterly fulfill me. Ahhhhhhh.

The Nappy Spot: 100th Post Giveaway!!

2009-11-26T18:13:00.000-08:00

The Nappy Spot: 100th Post Giveaway!!

Head on over to Michelle's blog to go into the draw to win a Sandman night nappy!

I have a blog!

2009-11-26T02:42:00.000-08:00

Wow, I've finally joined that exlusive group- 'people who blog'! I don't know whether anyone will read it, or if I'll have anything interesting to say, ever, but I think it will be very therapeutic to put my random thoughts into words and let them float around in cyberspace.

Weeeeee!